This is the blog of Guythatnooneknows. This blog is intended to amuse and entertain, but also, to tell you what you should think about everything important to Guythatnooneknows.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Re-visited Vibrations.

I had to go to Walmart today. Dad and I needed milk and I needed cereal for the mornings before work. I gotta have my cereal before I head out the door in the morning. Whenever I go to Walmart, almost out of instinct I go to the electronics department, not because I want to buy something but because I just like to look. It is a very rare occasion in which I purchase something from the electronics department at Walmart. Today's trip was seemingly no different then any other day I went to Walmart. As I turned the corner, crossing the landbridge into the secluded penninsula of the electronics department, I saw two familiar figures. Two brothers of a girl I had previously dated, well, not so much dated as desired to date at one time.

This girl and I had developed somewhat of a relationship, and became good friends, until my advances were met by the stone fortress that was her heart. Not even an army of millions could have penetrated that fortress at the time I attempted. Undaunted as I was though, I attempted, and crumbled before her mighty walls like a pane of glass shatters from a stray golf ball hit by Fred Couples. After a time, we went our separate ways, and I have seen very little of her in about 3-5 years. In fact, the last I talked to her was, geez, 2 or so, maybe even more, years ago on the phone for about 20 minutes.

So anyways, I wouldn't consider our parting of ways a good one, nor a bad one, but there were definitly some resentments harbored. While I was turning the corner to the electronics department, I saw two of her three brothers, one I immediately recognized, one I didn't. At first glance, the latter of the two I thought I recognized as her youngest brother, so playfully, and totally out of my normal strings of character, I slapped him on the back and said hey. When he turned, I realized that a slap on the back was not the appropriate course of action, because the brother I thought it to be was not, in fact, said brother, but was the other of her brother's, the one in which I had a history I didn't really want to remember.

"Hi!" A savagely half-assed attempt at enthusiasm at seeing him was all I could muster, and so the akwardness of the conversation began. After shaking each of their hands, I swear we stood there looking back and forth at each other for the longest 3 seconds I've ever experienced. I always seem to find the awkwardness in any situations somehow, it's weird. "We have a house full of sick people," was the response to my greeting after the handshakes. Great, I remember thinking to myself, something in their response told me that I needed to end this situation soon before it repelled into the dark cave of regret for even approaching them.

Normally, in this type of situation I would have just left them alone and tried every means of avoiding not only eye contact, but physical closeness. Living in Hastings has definitly proved to be difficult for me in the respect that ever since I stopped going to my dad's church I've tried so hard to avoid people that I knew from there like the plague. I don't like answering questions about what I've been doing, I don't like asking the same questions to the people asking me, and in general I just don't like dealing with that stuff. So for me to not duck and cover from these two in Walmart was totally out of character, and I began to wonder if this was an isolated incident or if it was the beginning of a paradigm shift in my persona.

I hope it's not the latter, I hope it's an isolated incident stemmed from my need to show this particular girl that I have done something with myself while she's set idle. I know it's a stretch, but maybe the reason I initiated contact with the two of them was my deep down need to show this girl that I have changed. Not because I want something from her though, because I don't. I would never know what impact this meeting had today upon her, if any. But a piece of me wants there to be one, however minescule it may be. I feel like I put myself out there for her and I got nothing in return. If anything, I think I'd like to think she feels some sort of regret for not at least entertaining the idea of getting to know me more then she did.

Maybe I just can't let go of something stupid. It has been a long time since I had any dealings with this particular girl. Maybe I should just forget about it. The more I think about it, the more I just can't do that. She made me angry, I guess there are still fibers in me that are still angry about it, still small fibers that just can't deal with her stupid decisions. They might be still there, but their slowly detaching their mandibles from my brain, I can feel them leaving. Today I could feel it when I walked away from the conversation with her brothers. As weird and awkward as the conversation might have been I walked away with it with a sense of fulfillment.

Lately, I've felt like I've started to find myself in certain aspects. I think I'm finally turning some sort of corner on the highway of life. (And yes, I'm aware of how horrible that analogy is.) Schooling is starting to finally settle into place, I'm content in my job and my personal life seems to be turning brighter. I was asked on Friday if I thought I'd found myself, discovered myself. After thinking about it a while, I think I'm moving in the right direction. I don't know if anyone can truely really find themselves though. I mean that's really what life is about, learning as much about yourself as you can before you run out of time right?

I guess today was a learning experience regardless of how much I second guess myself for approaching the brothers as I have. Even though I have more questions then when I started off to Walmart today, I feel like at least one of those questions now has an answer. Who'd have thought Walmart would be the center of my little mini-universe today. What with Walmart being the line between heaven and hell.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Sometimes It Never Rains.

He's stuck. Once again, he'd drawn his sword too early. It's raining outside. It never rains in Maklivelle Forest. A few years ago he never would have ventured into these forests alone, but the allure of the voices had found the key to the door of his curiosity. He'd drawn his sword too early and it had him, it was upon him. He had heard it following him, but wanted to forget that it was there, but now he couldn't ignore it. It was upon him, he took the wrong turn back at the fork and it knew it.

One hour earlier before it was even a forethought, he had come to the fork in the road. It made up some ground when he had waited at the fork and thought about which direction he should take. His hand lay limp upon the hilt of his sword as he glanced at the map and, alternatively, each direction. To the left he saw thorns and thislte branches, hounds of the helm, large rocks, covered boulders and a dark path. To the right, green meadows, sloping valleys, water (which he had on short supply), maybe a hunting ground of some sort. But for whatever reason, he had always chosen the path to the left before, and for some reason, he was drawn to it again. It wasn't shorter, it was by no means faster, but the voices had drawn him there each and every time.

This time was different though, different from all the rest, he knew it was there the whole time, he'd heard it tracking him from a distance. His hand gripped the hilt of his sword tightly, his other hand held his shield. He heard something behind him. Seventy yards behind him he judged. "Fuck," he stammered to himself, he'd not seen it, but he'd known it was there the whole time. Why didn't he take care of it when he'd first heard it. He could have covered his tracks, he could have taken the river to cover his scent. Closer. Brush and tree branches pushed aside as it approached. Out of the corner of his eyes he finally got a glimpse of it. Larger then he anticipated, and faster, it was closing in on him too fast, he couldn't react fast enough. Thirty yards. It was too quick, it had caught him before he turned. One choice left, he had to choose. Right or left, it was so simple, flip a coin, choose the trail out of the forest. He HAD to do it quick. Ten yards. It was upon him, he was losing time. Grasping his sword tightly, wearing the insignia from the hilt of his sword into his palm, sweat poured from his brow. He had one option left. Five yards, he could feel it's breath on his neck.

It had him in it's grasp, he had to choose.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

The Fundamental Flaws of The O.C.

As you may or may not know, I am a huge fan of Fox's hit teen adult drama The O.C. The premise of this show is to display the life and times of teenagers and their families in the rich and fabulous life of high class citizens in Orange County. I just thought of something. There are no African American's anywhere to be found on this show. Hmmm. Well, anyways, I was watching The O.C. this past Thursday and I began to think about some of the plot flaws that the writers seem to think most people who watch The O.C. will just miss. I've decided to point them out for all of you to see. So without further adu, I present, The Fundamental Flaws of The O.C.

1. Reliance upon the viewer forgetting details presented in the first season of The O.C.

Now, the writer's of The O.C. clearly pointed out that the teen characters on The O.C. are still in high school and inbetween the ages of 16-19. This is a huge problem for me. Above all other reasons is that the life experiences of a typical 16-19 year old is not typical of that of a character on The O.C. Now, in the new season of The O.C. there is a new character who has had her age established as 17. Now, in those 17 years of her life she has run away from home 3 times, lost contact with her parents, turned lesbian, then turned straight, then moved to The O.C., owns a bar, and in the next episode, becomes a bisexual.

Ok, I can see most of the stuff happening, but owning a bar doesn't work, because you can't serve liquer at 17 to anyone. And actually, all that life experience before the age of 17 is quite a bit. I mean, she probably didn't even start playing around with her sexuality until she was 14, 13 if she's really a whore.

2. Unlimited amounts of good and timely weather.

Now, I realize that it's Orange County, California, and I realize that you people in Orange County live right on the beach, and I realize that it's a fantastic place to live and all, but you guys don't have perfect and perfectly timed weather all the time. I don't ever, EVER recall and episode of The O.C. in which it was rainy or cloudy or even foggy. All I ever remember is sunny, bright, and emotionally timed weather, and that, my friends, is fucked up.

3. Misha Barton is not as hot as you want her to be O.C. Writers

She's actually uncomfortably skinny and needs to fire her acting coach. Your major 14-18 year old girl fanbase may buy that she's the best thing since sliced bread, but I sure don't. She had a scene in the first episode of the 2nd season in which her mother orders her to tell her what's bothering her and here is a description of the action that follows.

Misha Barton: You wanna know what's bothering me??? /glares at mother

/precedes to wretch the most annoying scream you've ever heard and throws lawn furniture into the pool, then storms off to her room.

It may not sound all the horrible, but after watching it a few times, it is. Believe it. Also, her character is incredibly hateable to me and I'm not sure exactly why. She is relatively whiney on the show, and I think that has a lot to do with it. Also, one thing the writers of The O.C. did really well with Misha, is they wrote her sections of the script precisely to make her the one character on her show that always gets her just desert.

*****

Those are only a few that I can think of. I want to make it clear that this post was not intended to be a rip of The O.C. because I really freakin like that show. I was just having a few passing thoughts throughout the week about last weeks episode and decided that my thoughts on The O.C. would probably be interesting to someone.

-Guy

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

It's Been Brought to My Attention...

By my good friend Chuck, over at Blog of the Hurricane, that I am labeled a mysogynist . I would just like to point out that only 5 of my posts have been mysogonistic. Now that's only 45% of the posts that I have made.

I would like to make it clear that I don't think I'm particularly against women as a movement, just more against women as retards. Keep in mind please, that for every women I'm bashing in this blog, there are about 1 or 2 women that aren't nearly as retarded as the woman being mysogonized. I cannot help it, that on a daily basis I am inendated by stupid women. They are all over TV.

You may be asking yourself, so, Guy, is that all you do with yourself all day? Watch TV and bitch about women? You must be a goddamn mysogonist!! My answer to that is, well, no, I'm not really. I'm just a guy that, for the sake of passing time and keeping my sanity until school starts again, sits in front of his TV and his computer typing and gaming, in between the periods that I sleep. Am I lazy? By no means. Am I intelligent? By all means.

I cannot help it that stupid women are at the forefront of idols for young teenage girls, and I cannot help it that my choice for TV channels happens to be MTV, VH1, E!, and Comedy Central. Between these 4 channels alone I am blessed with unending material to right about on this here blog. Does that make me a mysogonist, no.

Look, I know that being a hateful person is part of my charm, I mean, Guy without the hate is no Guy that anyone wants to be around. Why just last week when I recinded my hatred for little kids at a hockey game, I didn't have nearly as much fun as when I re-recinded my hatred for little kids at hockey games. So do I have hate in my heart for retarded women? Yes, yes I do. However, if you'll notice the post Ron Simmons... WHA HAPPEN??? you'll notice that my hate is not limited to women. It's just that stupid women are far more prevolent in today's society then stupid men.

In conclusion, I don't find myself particularly mysogonistic on purpose, it kind of happens by accident. Does this mean I'm going to tone down my posts against women or against stupidity? HELL NO. If anything, this just means I'm going to look for more things to piss you woment lovers off. Because, by God, that's what God put me here to do, hate women that are stupid, and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna follow God's will for my life???

-Guy

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Real World Philedelphia Casting Crew... WHA HAPPEN???

This season's cast on the Real World, has no shortage of stupid girls. Thus, keeping in line with my hatred for stupid women, I have discovered another little tidbit that I thought I would share with you all.

Sara, from the Real World is stupid. She's the girl at the party you attend, that hates girls who throw themselves all over guys because their drunk, then, in the same sentance, she's the girl who goes home with a gay guy to try and turn him straight. She's the girl that doesn't understand people who think she's stupid, but she suffered from both bolehmia and annorexia at some point in her life.

Recently, I forget which episode, but MJ, started calling her sweetheart at a business meeting for their job. She got upset about this and started calling him sexist. How does calling a girl sweetheart translate to a male shovanist? The last time I checked, no matter where you live, sweetheart is a term of indearment. If I call a girl sweetheart and she calls me a sexist in return, rest assured that I will not being talking to that girl ever again. Why? Because that girl is stupid.

Another little retarded thing that Sara likes to spout off about is The Passion of the Christ. MJ, again, brought up how he thought it was a great movie and it really showed what Christ went through for us, and she immediately followed up with the comment, "I couldn't disagree more." When asked why she thought that, she replied with about the biggest cop out of an answer, "because I'm jewish and that movie is anti-sematic." Then when asked if she'd seen the movie she replied, "no."

Then, after that, Shavonda, the stupid bitch that's afraid of autistic children, did a confessional in which she stated, "MJ doesn't know what he's getting into. Sara is a intelligent female, and MJ doesn't know how to deal with that. Sara is very educated on things and MJ isn't." First of all, Sara is hardly educated because she is flat out wrong about her anti-sematic claims. The Passion of the Christ is about as close to what actually happened as could possibly be. Sara is also a whore. She was the one at the beginning of the season that everyone said "OH ALL THE GUYS EVERYWHERE IN TEH USA ARE GOING TO BE HAVING WET DREAMS ABOUT HER!" Um, yea,... no. She's not the least bit attractive thanks. Any decent guy with half a brain would realize that she's far more annoying then she is attractive.

I hate the new season of the Real World. It's not nearly as cool as Real World: San Diego.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

If there's One Thing The Russians Got Right...

It's there bath-houses. I was listening to NPR this morning on the way to work, and it was their daily coverage brought to you by the BBC. The Russian bathhouse works like this, there's seperate ones for men and women, but men don't go together like the women do.

A bunch of women get together and go to the bathhouse. The first thing they do is get naked. Then they go to the steam room. After steaming down for a good while, they all get birch branches and repeatedly swat each other with them... while their all naked. Then, after they swat each other with the birch branches they proceed the shower room. When they get there they all soak under the hot water. Then they take turns rubbing honey all over each other's bodies.

I know I'm not the only one that recognizes how hot this is. I propose we steal the only good thing about Russia and bring it to America.. who's with me???

Monday, January 03, 2005

Conjunctivitis... WHA HAPPEN???

Conjunctivitis sucks. It ruins holidays. It renders me useless. It extends 24 hour days to feel like 30 hour days. What's worse? It happens when you are ready to have a really fun long weekend. With the exception of a few bright spots here and there over the weekend, my weekend was horrid.

For those that don't know, conjunctivitis is an eye infection commonly known as pink eye. When you first contract conjunctivitis, it is the most painful and scary thing ever. Why you ask? oh, i'll tell you all why. Because your eye is in pain and you don't know why. Because you don't know if your eye is in so much pain that you might actually lose your sight in your affected eye. The best way I can describe the pain is, a bunch of little men, with little tiny pins, poking the backside of your eyelid and eyeball until you can't even open your eye anymore.

I had to go to the ER because my eye was hurting so bad. The medicine that I was told to take, actually burns your eyes for around 15-20 minutes before it makes it feel better. But it does make it feel tons better.

My eye is all better now, and I go back to work tomorrow.

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