Guythatnooneknows Has Opinions

As I sit here in my computer chair reflecting on the events upcoming and past, I've begun to think about what Christmas means to me. In general, the Christmas season, at least over the last few years, has been relatively depressing in most respects. I find myself thinking about how life has treated me at and around Christmas times. Honestly, I can't think of a year since my parents were divorced in which my Christmas season hasn't included some sort of major dissappointment, monumental catastrophe, or horrible turn of events. From the debacle of that was the first Christmas after my parents were divorced, to Christmas time in '01 when I went to see my mom in Tennessee, only to turn around and drive back 1 day later because my mother and I got into a huge fight.

This season in particular, hasn't been any one of the above things thus far, however it has been one of quiet depression. As I sit here, I think of the things my dad has had to go through over the last two weeks. Car sales are horrible, having to tell his parents and his sister that he can't afford to travel to Ohio to spend Christmas with the family, having to live with the thought that he really can't afford to buy Christmas presents for anyone, I just can't even imagine. Yet, even faced with that, he moves on, baking his ass off, going out of his way to make what will be one hell of a Christmas meal, to give himself and me one day this year that we won't forget. A day in which the two of us, sit around the living room, eat our lasagna, watch our football, and move on past a holiday that besides the religious conotations, we would like to all but forget.

Knowing all these things are things my dad has had to deal with over the last few weeks, I've gone out of my way to make things special for him too. I've tried to spend as much time with him as I can, went to his Christmas thingy at FBC (which was no easy task, as every time I attend their service I'm reminded of how much I loathe most of the people that attend that church), I even went to the Christmas Eve service tonight with him. I know he'll never say anything about it, but I can tell by the surprise in his voice when I told him I was going that he was really happy about that. Sometimes I think he thinks that I'm straying from the church, but really I'm not. Even though I sometimes, (well ok, more often then not, but I am getting better) skip church, I still study the bible and I still set my heart with God.

While I sit here in my chair, vocalizing the thoughts passing through my head through this blog, I wonder what my dad is thinking. He's sitting in the living room, with all the lights (besides the Christmas decorations) off, watching TV. I wonder if he's just not sleepy, or he can't sleep because of the things on his mind. I wanted to get my dad a big screen TV for Christmas, but my financial aid hasn't come through yet for Davenport. I was waiting on that to finalize before I went and took on another bill. I have one picked out. It's a widescreen, hd tv built in, 30". That may not seem very big, but I think it's big enough to do the trick. Oh, it's also flatscreen.. or at least flatter then my monitor is. For as long as I can remember, my dad's always wanted a nice TV, but for whatever reason, we always end up with these crappy, 6 months away from breaking down TVs. So, I'd like to be able to do that for him.

I watched Jingle All The Way with my dad tonight. Yknow, that one movie with Sinbad and Arnold Swhartzenegar, the one where they fight over getting that toy. I remember dad and I going to the theatre to see that movie when it first came out. It was good times. I guess Christmas isn't really all that depressing this year, if you look at it in the way that dad and I are kickin it old school. Two bachelors chillin like a villian, eatin food, watchin stupid tv and football.

I know why dad stayed up so late now. I can begin to smell the warm, cheesy, gooey smell of baking lasagna entering my room.

Merry Christmas Everybody.

-Guy