Guythatnooneknows Has Opinions

Elevators, Part 2

2006-04-27T04:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I had the most horrible conversation. Some things have happened over the last few weeks between the two of us and I don't know if they can be fixed. I want to fix them desperately, but I'm not convinced that she does at all. At first, her only solution was to split up and separate. Obviously, since I told her I love her, this is not something I want to do. So I propose that we try to work things out.

This never seems to work, it never does. Try as hard as you can, put all of yourself into something, only to see it be wrecked like this. I hate it. I want to be with her SO bad, but she doesn't seem to care about what I want. I feel as though she only wants what she wants and there's nothing I can do about it. However, she did agree to work things out. So now, I can't think about how I could possibly do this. I am a firm believer that you don't date someone you don't think you could marry, why waste your time? Well, in the course of our horrible conversation last night, she told me that fix things or not, I'm not the person she's going to marry.

I'm not the person she's going to marry.
I'm not the person she's going to marry.
I'm not the person she's going to marry.

That's the only thing that I hear in my head. Nothing else. So, why on earth would I think that she's sincere when she says she honestly wants to try to work things out? So basically, Guy's girlfriend, we can either split up and not marry, OR, we can work things out and not get married. So what hope do I have?

Now, I don't know if this is the girl I'm going to marry. Not by any stretch. But, when your trying to fix things with the person you love, you don't want to hear that kind of finality associated with your relationship.

So here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't know what to do.

Fucking Statistics

2005-06-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

Some nights I understand them, some nights I don't.

Currently we're working on confidence intervals.

Formulas for this:

u= (Mean +or-) t sub (alpha/2) x (standard deviation / square root of the number of events)

I'll go home tonight and understand all this no problem, but when I do my homework in a few days, my retention will be zero.

I'm an accounting major so I understand the relevance of statistics in accounting situations, but damn, this will probably be up there with the hardest classes I'll have to take towards my major.

Don't Call It a Comeback..

2005-06-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

How could I possibly return to posting in my blog without stealing a very famous quote from a very famous rapper?? I couldnt.

I'm back bitches. It's been a long hard road, with a lot of ups and downs, a lot of forks and well, not forks, but here I am, badder, stronger, fiestier, more opinionated, unadulterated, hardcore, all about the PHUN!, back, Guythatnooneknows and boy.. do I have some goddamn opinions.

But first, a brief apology. To my loyal viewers, of which I'm not sure who of you are left, however, to those out there, the reason for my outstanding absence was an over-abundance of new things popping in my life.

First off, I got this badass new computer that plays cool games so, posting on the blogs went out the window. Then when I did get around to being bored with games on my new computer, school started. So, betwixt finding my new computer, starting school and work, the only time I would have to post on my blog is when I sleep.. and I'll be damned.

Today.

Today was a fantastic day. It further furtherized the fact that thus far, this summer has been great. With the exception of not receiving my student loan refund, everything has been off the chain. Today, nine of my friends and I attended Michigan's Adventure. A fantastic little amusement park with a hardcore waterpark not for the faint of heart. Two parks for the price of one, twice the phun... am i rite?

So there's that, which was a blast, then there's the last o, 2-3 hours of homework I've been doing. You see, on the drive home I realized how much damn homework I have to do to get ready for this week of school. I have two midterms to worry about, and one take home test, on top of a speech to give, and random homework assignment bullshit. However, I will not let that get in the way of what I'm really here to talk about.

(So sorry I couldnt get a better picture, but I'm sure you've all seen her recently)

Lindsay Lohan... what the fuck

This girl used to be attractive.. it's true. Now, no. What happened? I'm not sure that anyone really knows. Now, why do I care so much about her loss of attractiveness? Not for the reason you may think. Your probably saying to yourself, but Guy, didnt you think Lohan was attractive, and I say yes, however, her grotesquely skinny figure has an effect on me that rides deeper then she's not hot anymore.

You see, little girls growing up look up to celebrities like Lindsey Lohan here. They see her as a role model. Any self-respecting smart person is going to see that the new trend for young girls is to get all uncomfortably skinny and try and look all "beautiful" just like Lohan here.

Well, I say, Fuck that. Girls come in many shapes and sizes, so do guys. Bigger guys, like myself, we have interpersonal security issues but yknow what? At the end of the day (the good guys out there anyways) WE DONT GIVE A SHIT HOW WE LOOK!! Girls shouldnt either. If you want to go ahead and look like Lohan here because you think she's gorgeous and youll never get a man unless your bones jut out of your arms and chest and neck. FUCK THAT. Only the desperetly insecure male is looking for something like that.

While this may seem like rabble and jibber jabber, please keep in mind its 2:30 here and I'm damn exhausted.

This is not the last you'll hear of Guythatnooneknows. Stay tuned for further episodes where I will discuss:

*The Ridiculousness of Scientology
*Famine
*Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (with a side bar on how Tommy boy got skirted in the face with a squirtgun by an Englishmen and freaked out)
*Terrorism
*Wrestling
*The Macho Man
*Hogan Knows Best
*McDonalds

and more.

-Guythatnooneknows

First Baptist Church of Hastings... WHA HAPPEN???

2005-03-27T09:08:00.000-08:00

It's Easter Sunday. Argueably the most significant Sunday in all of Christianity. I was really looking forward to attending Easter Sunday Service at Calavary Non-Denominational church in Grand Rapids. However, my grandparents are in town and my grandma has more then a few screws loose, so she decided not to go to Easter Sunday Service. Which was the only reason they even were invited up to Hastings. So anyways, becuase my grandma decided not to go I decided to go with my grandpa so he wouldn't have to sit alone in the service.

What a huge huge huge mistake that was.

Easter Sunday is a celebration. It's the day that Christ rose from the grave. It's the day that all those prophecies he made actually came true. It's a great day to be a christian!! CELEBRATE IT BITCHES!!

But no, not the ole FBC. What did they do? They turned the lights down, they closed the shades, they sang all about the cross he died on. They did little theatrical bits about how regretful people watching the crucifixtion were for not doing anything to stop it. There was not one single song throughout the entire hour and a half service that was remotely rejoicing the rising of Christ. Nothing.

And that's nothing to speak of the people in the auditorium. The choir did not smile, they glared. The audience did not wear celebratory Easter clothes like I did when I was little, they wore black and dark colors. The service did not keep me awake, it put me to sleep. Their bulletin that they print every week had the words, "First Baptist Church Celebrates Easter" on the cover, however, there was no celebration.

It was the single most depressing Easter service I've ever been a part of. It was lame. It was exactly what I remember First Baptist Church being 3 years ago. It was lame.

I thought about how much I read that my friend Chuck looks forward to attending Easter service every year because it means so much to him. I thought that during the first hour of the service. During the second hour, I thought about how I couldn't wait to leave.

That's not what Easter is about folks, not at all. Let this be a lesson to me for changing my mind and attending FBC at the last minute...

NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN!!

Boy Am I Pissed About This...

2005-03-20T14:26:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to a movie with some friends. During the excruciatingly long previews there was a particular preview that pissed me right off. Brace yourself horror movie fans. Brace yourself hard.

There remaking The Amityville Horror. What's worse? It's from the producers of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. WHat's worse is, that's the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with Jessica Biel. Ya, the new one. The new one that completely sucked balls. The only redeeming quality about that movie was Jessica Biel.

What exactly pisses me off about this? Well, the fact that it won't be nearly as scary as the original, or nearly as cool. During the preview there were loads of creepy voices. In the original there is only 1 creepy voice line. I garuntee when the blood runs down the walls, it will look HORRIBLE, because new horror movies rely too much on CGI's for their horror movies. I garuntee there will be no large rat head with dark red eyes glowing out at you from the top window like there was in the original. It will be some creepy ass ridiculous looking thing.

Then there's the lead character and his wife. Played by Ryan Reynolds (who I don't really have anything against personally) and his wife Melissa George.

Firstly, let me just say that Ryan Reynolds won't be a good replacement for the original actor in the original Amityville Horror. Ryan Reynolds doesn't look quirky enough to pull off this role. Plus, after his lacluster performance in Blade Trinity I doubt he could act his way out of a box, like he'll need to in this movie. Secondly, those of you that watched the original know that the lead character's wife is totally hot. Totally. Now, she's being played by Melissa George. Judge for yourself but I say she's not that hot!!

All that said, I will likely see this movie at some point. But certainly not in the theatres, I'd rather waste my money on something a lot less retarded, like The Interpreter or some shit.

Elevators

2005-03-11T12:31:00.000-08:00

Bitch. You sucked me down, he thought to himself. He stood there in silence in the elevator, staring at his pay stub. He rode along in complete and utter silence. Not one that he wanted, one that she needed. He would have talked to her, he would have started a conversation with her. Fuck that, no he wouldn't have, it was up to her, he decided.

She had been the one to end it, there was no chance in hell he was going to open his mouth to let that bitch know exactly what he was thinking. He did that too much already. Before she fucked him, before it meant something. Then the shell of the girl he knew was gone, replaced by this robot, emotionless waste standing in front of him.

The elevator was too damn slow. When was it going to be over. He just wanted to scream, to move this thing with his own goddamn arms. He was sure he could do it faster. He moved his gaze from his pay stub to her. He decided that he'd just stare a hole right through her head until she talked. Fuck her, why shouldn't he be disrespectful, after all he had given, to get nothing back, he was so pissed.

She still wouldn't, wouldn't even look at him now. Not that this was anything new. She hadn't looked at him like she used to for a month. That was over. She ended it. Fuck her. All he ever did was treat that girl with kitten gloves. And now she treated him like this.

Bitch. She sucked him down.

**************************************************************

Why won't he look at me? What's his problem? I thought he said we could be friends. I thought we talked it out that last night. I thought everything would go back to normal. She stood there in the corner of the elevator, looking for something from him. She figured she would get nothing though. She was right. He must be so mad at me. I don't know that I blame him though. I just wish he would talk to me.

She stopped looking at him. She was too stubborn to be the one to make the first communication. The last thing she wanted to do was bring up that night again. It had been hard enough on her the first time. She didn't need to relive it. She wanted to apologize for hurting him, but she didn't.

She noticed his movements from across the way. Her face went flush, he was staring right at her. Don't look at him, don't give him that. It was her fault but she couldn't own up to it like that. She remained emotionless. She remained quiet. She remained.

She hated this, but deep deep down she knew she deserved it. She realized that she went about it the wrong way. But she couldn't take it back now. The whole thing was fucked up. She stood there staring at her coat. She wanted to hide from his glare. She couldn't. Not even a little bit.

It hit her. It hit her like a train. She was a bitch. That's what he thought of her. He hated her. She just realized how bad she had let it get. He probably wanted nothing to do with her. This chance meeting in the elevator probably was the icing on the cake that was his horrible day. She had seen the boss yelling at him before he left. She knew now that he hated her.

She realized she was a bitch. She realized she fucked it all up.

Guy's That Guythatnooneknow's Would Go Gay For.

2005-03-08T16:36:00.000-08:00

The following list is a top five list of guy's that I would go gay for. I know, your probably all thinking, but Guy, your not gay, why would you think we would care about who you'd go gay for. I'll tell you why, because you will care. So without further adu, here is the top five guy's I would go gay for.

Number 5: Puff Daddy

Look at him. He's king of bling. He's in a white godddamn tuxedo. How hot is that. Not to mention if I go gay for him and it works, i'll be in the hip hop industry. How cool whould that be?? ULTRA!!

Number 4: Hulk Hogan

That's right. I'd go gay for Hulk Freakin Hogan. He made me a fan of wrestling for life. He made me a Hulkamaniac. He's the man. He bodyslammed Andre the Giant. Hell he bodyslammed anybody that got in the ring with him. Who wouldn't go gay for Hulk Hogan?? YES!!

Number 3: Jacquese (Real World: San Diego)

This guy, he's the guy. He's the black guy that's a good guy. The one that's smart and reasonable and sensible. He'll bail you outta jail if your ever in. He represents order and control in the Real World house. He's not a partier, he cares about school and his mom. All that and he's still black. Gay? I KNOW I WOULD!!

Number 2: Don Johnson

This one's a no brainer. He stared in only the coolest televsion show ever, Miami Vice. When I turn fourty I want my mid-life crisis to be as close to this guy's Miami Vice days as possible. What better way to top it off then be gay for him too!! Hot?? YOUR FUCKIN RIGHT DOGGY!!

And finally, the number one guy I would go gay for???

Number 1: Brett Favre

Brett Favre. He's a football player. He's won a Super Bowl. He's handsome as a motherfucker. He's a great family man. He's funny. What's not to love?? I would go gay for this guy more then any other guy on the planet. I've purchased football video games just to play as this guy. I've purchased Green Bay Packer hoodies just so that when I put them on I can be reminded of good ole #4. Would you?? FUCK YA YOU WOULD FUCKER!!

Now, I'm not gay. Not by a long shot. And just to prove that, here are some obligatory shots of hot chicks to get all you dudes out there back to the land of not gayness.

Watchin TV in the Early A.M.

2005-02-26T23:59:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I did a lot of watching TV into the early am at my apartment. I watched two classic horror movies during this time that I would very much like to talk about at this time. The two movies I watched were American Werewolf in London and Carrie. Now, I'm not talking the stupid American Werewolf in Paris, the remake in the late 90s that didn't live anywhere up to par of the original, I'm talking the original, American Werewolf in London.

Those of you that know me in real life may or may not know that I love horror movies. I love them. Not because they are neccessarily great movies, but because you'll never watch a horror movie that isn't entertaining. Most movies that are coming out lately that are supposed to be scary, I wouldn't classify as horror movies. I would call them more along the lines of psychological thrillers. Now, there are a few exceptions to the aforementioned rule, such as The Grudge. However, even The Grudge is a remake of an old horror flick from Japan entitled Ju-On. Movies like "Saw" or "The Ring" I wouldn't classify in the genre of horror however. Why? you ask, well because my definition of a horror movie may be different.

I classify and rate a movie of its horrer classification if it meets two of my criteria. First off, it has to be generally scary in some aspect of the movie. Generally this is accomplished through cheap scares such as someone or something popping up on camera when the creepy music reaches a peak. It can also be accomplished through specific creepy noises, such as a girl walking through an old house and hearing a scream. It can also be accomplished through scary music, such as the music in Psycho. Please recognize that these are only a few examples of how something can be scary.

Another criteria that a movie must have in order to dub it a horror movie is, it must have imagery that sticks with you. What do I mean by that? I mean, after you watch said movie, when you go to bed that night, and everything is quiet and dark, and you lay down to sleep, and your laying there in bed, your wondering if something is in your closet, or your thinking about whether or not what you saw in that movie is in your room, or if you turn around it's going to be there next to you ready to take you out. Another criteria is, there must be killing. It doesn't neccesarily need to be grotesque, but that's a positive.

All that said, I'm a fan of horror movies. For the first time this weekend I watched both Carrie and American Werewolf in London and was significantly impressed. Carrie impressed me because that movie was genuinely scary. Most horror movies today aren't scary, and I can't figure out if that's the fault of their predecesors for taking all the basic scary moments in theater and making them trivial, or if the movies just aren't what they used to be in the 70s and 80s. I think it may be a healthy mix of both however. Carrie scared me because it took it's time telling the story and the ending was hardcore it's match. The music in that movie helped a lot too. I'd definitly consider buying Carrie on dvd if I had the kind of money to be buying whatever dvd I wanted.

American Werewolf in London scared me more for it's imagery throughout the movie then it's general scare tactics. I think that's because I didn't grow up in an age where people were all like, "werewolves, huh??" I grew up in an age where people are all like, "werewolves?? More like Lycanthropes, am I rite??" The initial shock of a man turning into a wolf that kills people has worn off unfortunately. Had a grown up and seen this movie in theatres I would have probably been scared shitless.

Both of these movies are must sees for those of you that consider yourself horror movie fans. These are decent movies worthy of a good watching with your friends, followed by a good discussion.

Seriously, I'm All About Equal Rights and all...

2005-02-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

Wait. No I'm not. In fact, if you gay rights activists can't come up with anything better to fight for then a penguin's right to be gay, then I hope we deny you all civil liberties forever.

Penguins Should Stay Gay? Fuck That!!

And in other gay penguin related news.... We're Here, We're Queer, We're Penguins. More like, WHAT THE FUCK??

Let me just say, that I am an avid animal fan. I think they're pretty cool. Gay animals?? I refuse to believe, no matter what scientific evidence is presented that any animal is gay. And especially not penguins, they're too god damned cute and stream-lined.

Surreal Life 4... WHA HAPPEN???

2005-02-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

So I was watching a recent episode of Surreal Life 4 today and I was disheartened and let down by the total flaunting of love by a certain Surreal Life cast person for another Surreal Life cast person.

Now I find Adrianne Curry to be pretty spectacularly hot, however, after watching the episode where they all go on dates, and watching her try to ruin poor Peter Brady's date, I find her less appealling. Adrianne is 22 years of age, while Peter Brady has to be in his 40s. Adrianne has pretty much poured herself all over him while he has made it pretty clear that he isn't interested. Even once to the point that he made her hide in the bathroom and cry.

Adrianne, get a hold of yourself. Peter Brady is not the be all end all of men. And damn woman, your not making yourself more attractive to me when you whore yourself out to him all the damn time. You have more important things to worry about then stupid Peter Brady, he's not even all that cool, except for his enormously huge guns.

Peter Brady, stick to your guns brotha!! The last thing you need is some little 22 year old bitch with all her 22 year old problems. Trust me on that one. You want an older lady, someone that knows how to please a man of your stature in the bedroom. Someone that's not gonna give you six different kinds of syphilis. You need a woman Peter Brady, not a little girl who's confused. DONT FALL FOR THIS SLUT PETER BRADY!!! Your too good for her.

Gotta love Peter Brady!

A Few Recommended Links and Their Subsquent Explanations

2005-02-19T03:01:00.000-08:00

Over to the right hand side of my blog you may notice some links. For those of you that visit, you are probably aware that most of those links are links to a few of my friends blogs and/or websites. However, what you may not know, is that those links are also to different blogs or live journals that I also find interesting.

For example, you may notice the link Lance Storm!!. That link is one of my favorites. It's a link to the wrestler Lance Storm's website. Lance Storm is currently working as a road agent for the WWE. His website is interesting because it provides the wrestling perspective of someone who's been in the business for a long time.

Next, you may notice the link Alex Shelley Is Cool. Alex Shelley is unfortunately, a rather unknown wrestler. I say unfortunate because he is one of the brightest talents out there in my book. He uses a somewhat rare wrestling technique known as grappling or European technique. European technique is known more for it's mat work rather then it's arreal assualt manuevers. Alex Shelley's live journal provides the wrestling perspective of a young upstart wrestler and his experiences. This live journal is a must read for any true wrestling fan, or for those of you who wish to read and learn about how hard it is to break into the wrestling business.

NHL... WHA HAPPEN???

2005-02-17T17:21:00.000-08:00

By now, you've probably all heard, whether you follow hockey or not. The 2004-2005 NHL season has been cancelled due to conflicts in the contract between the Player's Union and The Team Owner's. Now, had you asked me a week ago, I would have conceded that in fact it was entirely the Player's Unions' fault. I know, shock and awe, Guy goes against a union. But if you ask me today, I believe it was in fact more or less the owner's fault. Now, don't get me wrong, by and large, there is a lot of blame to be placed all around, but let me give you a few examples of what The Player's Union attempted to do to make things right and get that contract figured out. Actualy, here is a timeline of events and i'll post my take on them as I post them.

Cast of Characters

Gary Bettman: Commissioner, NHL
Bob Goodenow: Executive Director, NHL Player's Association
Bill Daly: Exec, VP and Chief Legal Officer, NHL
Ted Saskin: Senior Director, NHL Player's Association
NHL Player's Association: Trevor Linden (former NHL star)
NHL Player's Association: Daniel Alfredsson, Bob Boughner, Vincent Damphousse, Bill Guerin, Arturs Irbe, Trent Klatt

Ok, Timeline.

Sept. 15th:
Bettman announces the league's 30 teams will lock out players at midnight, when the Collective Bargaining Agreement expires.
Oct. 19th:
The NHL advised teams that home games may be canceled in order to release building dates on a 45-day rolling basis, a change from the pervious allowance of 30 days.
Nov. 2nd:
The NHL Player's Association held a meeting in Toronto with 70-80 players, including the 30 team representatives, to update players and answer questions, not to formulate a new proposal
Nov. 3rd:
NHL cancels 2005 All-Star Game.
Nov. 17th
NHLPA meets with agents in Chicago
Nov. 18th
NHL Central Scouting confirms that the draft will not be held until a new Collective Bargaining Agreement is in place.
Dec. 2nd
The NHL accepted the NHLPA's invitation to meet in Toronto the week of Dec. 6. It will be the first formal bargaining session since Sept. 9.
Dec. 9th.
The NHLPA presented the NHL with a new proposal that included a 24 percent rollback on current contracts. The NHL plans to submit a counter porposal on Dec. 14.
Dec. 14th.
The NHLPA rejected the NHL's counter-proposal, which included a weighted salary rollback and a salary cap.
Jan. 6th.
NHL cancels board of governors meeting scheduled for Jan 14 in New York due to a lack of progress in negotiations.
Jan. 19th-20th.
Three representatives from each side meet informally at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport on Wednesday without Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow. The sides met again Thursday in Toronto. Both sides report no progress.
Jan 26-27th
The sides meet again informally Wednesday in Toronto, with New Jersey Devils president/GM Lou Lamoriello joining the league's representative. The talks resume Thursday evening in New York. Both sides report no progress.
Feb. 2nd
Sides meet informally Wednesday in Newark, N.J. NHL presents another salary-cap offer. NHLPA rejects it, but requests the sides meet again on Feb. 3 with Bettman and Goodenow in attendance.
Feb. 3rd
Sides meet for almost nine hours in New York. Neither side comments on the proceedings, but they plan to meet Friday.
Feb. 4th
Sides meet again for four hours. The NHLPA reports "no probress" was made, while the NHL calls the talks "constructive."
Feb. 9th
The NHLPA rejected the NHL's offer during a secret meeting in Toronto. The league tells the NHLPA that a deal must be reached in principle by the weekend in order for games to be played this season.
Feb 10th
After a four-hour session, in consultation with mediators, the sides reported no progress and no plans for another meeting.
Feb 13th
Sides meet with federal mediator in Washington, D.C. No progress is reported.
Feb 14th
At a secluded meeting in Niagara Falls, N.Y., NHLPA agrees to a salary cap once the league agreed to move off its demand of linking salaries to revenues. The NHL offers a $40 million cap. The NHLPA counters with an offer of $52 million.
Feb 15th
Bettman issues a non-negotiable "final offer" of $42.5 million and sets an 11 a.m. ET Wednesday deadline for the NHLPA to accept. The NHLPA counters with an offer of $49 million, which the NHL rejects.
Feb 16th
Five months after the lockout began, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman cancels the season.

*****

Damn!! Get all that? Now, many sports writers over the last few days have been saying the that Owner's of all 30 NHL teams are out to destroy the player's Union and the proof is in the pudding. For example, on Dec 9th all players in the NHL offered to rollback there contracts by 24%. That means a player making $2 million a year would now make $1.52 million per year. Now, the average NHL players salary is $1.8 million, take 24% off of that and thats $432,000 per player. Multiply that by the total number of players allowed to suit up for a game and per team your savings is probably close to $20 million per team.

This is where the Owner's get greedy. Instead of accepting a 24% rollback from all NHL players, which by the way is a HUGE step for players, they decide that they want a hard salary cap instead. Now, if your not familiar with a salary cap, it's when the Collective Bargaining Agreement sets a number for teams in which the player's salaries cannot exceed that number. For example, if the salary cap is $40 million, the players on that team are not allowed to make more then that number. Now, the players at first did not want a salary cap at all. Then as of Febuary 15th the Player's Union gave in once again and sacrificed on another argueing point and gave in to a salary cap at $49 million instead of the offer made by the NHL at $42.5 million.

Now, do the math again. Per team that's only a $6.5 million dollar difference. 30 teams in the NHL that's a savings of $195 million dollars total. Now, if you take the figureings from before you'll notice that the NHL would save more money if they took the 24% rollback then if they went for the salary cap. But they didn't, they got greedy and demanded that the NHLPA give in to all there demands, and now there is no hockey season period. And by the way, that's a lose of nearly $225 million dollars in revenue for each and every 30 teams of the NHL.

*******

Aside from the numbers game and where blame falls, I'll miss hockey this year. Many prominent sportswriters are declaring this hockey's apocalypse. Some large cynics saying that this could be the NHL's demise. When I hear things like that I think of the impact that hockey as had on me. Two events clearly stand out in my head.

Firstly, the year that Ray Borque finally won his Stanley Cup. It was going to be his last year as he was retiring whether they won or not. The Colorado Avalanche was his team and he was playing the New Jersey Devils for the Stanley Cup. Down 3 games to 2 in a best of seven they had game 6 at New Jersey which they won and then went on to win game 7 at home. This was also the year I spent almost every Tuesday Thursday and weekend night at the Sciba's watching nearly every playoff game at their place. It was a great time.

Secondly, and more recently was the Stanley Cup series between the New Jersey Devils and the Anahiam Mighty Ducks. Game 5 of these playoffs saw Paul Kariya get leveled on center ice and was actually knocked unconscious. For thirty plus seconds he lay on the ice, then boom, you saw his mask get all foggy as he came too.

He left the ice and was out the remainder of the 2nd period only to come back in the 3rd period and score the game winning goal. That's fuckin heart man. Everytime I see highlights of that I get goosebumps and the hairs on the back of my head stand up. Hockey is one of those sports that's all about heart to me. No other sport do you see the team commrodary that you do in hockey. From the playoff beards to the fights on the ice, its fuckin intense.

I'm going to miss you NHL, even if it would have been an abbreviated season. Hockey freakin owns, and I hope it comes back without replacement players in September 2005.

It's 6:09 a.m....

2005-02-12T03:06:00.000-08:00

And for whatever reason I'm compelled to write. About what? I don't know. Do you ever feel drawn to write something down but when it's time to produce the goods, you just plain can't. And no, that's not a metaphor for how I can't get it up. I'm completely fine in that area of my life. I just feel like there's something in my head that needs to be written and I can't pinpoint what it is.

It always seems like I do my most personal writing on the weekends. The weekends are a time when your supposed to find things to do to relax, things to do to take your mind of work, your personal life, and just chill with your friends and have a good time, but for whatever reason I always write more personally about myself then any other time I write in this blog. Why am I so compelled to think about things so important to me on the weekends? What draws me to them? I'm supposed to be relaxing.

I was talking to my friend The Integrity League this weekend about our two blogs. For those of you that don't know The Integrity League writes a blog I'm particularly fond of entitled The Integrity League I think that The Integrity League is a really good writing and photographer so I really enjoy checking out his blog on a regular basis. Anyways, The Integrity League and I got to talking about our blogs and he said that he really appreciates the writing I do on my blog. He said that he really enjoyed the serious writing along with the funny WHA HAPPEN??? writing that I do. I take that as a really big compliment. It's kind of nice to be able to get with people that write a blog and talk about how cool each other's blogs are every once in a while. Shit, I just noticed that my post is closly named after one of the Integrity League's posts. Sorry The Integrity League!!

Ok, I'm going to stop trying to force my brain to think of what I wanted to write and sacrifice myself to my pillow on the altar of my bed. St. Bed of Guy. Night everybody. God bless you and yours.

Back to the Mysogony Bitches!!

2005-02-09T14:00:00.000-08:00

And today's topic of my hatred and scorn..... Ashlee Simpson!! Hooray!!

Now, I can't entitle this post Ashlee Simpson... WHA HAPPEN??? for the simple reason that nothing happened to Ashlee Simpson, she was always this stupid, retarded, ugly and untalented. At one time, my good friend Chuck was of the opinion that Ashlee Simpson was super hot. For my money though her sister Jessica would make the better lay. Here's where Ashlee went wrong. Instead of staying in acting on 7th Heaven and show's like that, she decided to have a singing career and a reality television show.

This is retarded. For one, she can't sing. For two, her reality show SO pisses me off everytime I watch it for longer then five minutes. She has an episode coming up soon here where she turns 20 years old. She decides that she needs to cut her hair like Natalie Imbruglia in order for her to be more mature because, as she puts it, "cutting your hair is part of finding yourself." What

Maybe cutting your hair is part of finding yourself... IF YOUR NAME IS FUCKING SAMPSON AND YOUR IN THE BIBLE!! Do you think Ashlee that cutting your hair makes you hotter? Do you think it will give you a better singing voice? Do you think it will get you another invitation to perform on SNL? BECAUSE IT WON'T!!

The thing that I hate about Ashlee Simpson is that she won't go away. She has had opportunities a plenty for her career to die and for whatever reason she just won't go back to acting. Let me give you some examples. First, it was unbelievably apparent that she couldn't sing in like the 2nd episode of her first season on MTV when it took her the better part of an entire day to hit one line in her song. Second, she TOTALLY fucked up on SNL, which is only one of the biggest stages for musicians to perform in our pop culture world. Then she blamed her band for her obvious lip syncing ploy.

And finally, her absolutely horrible live performance at the Orange Bowl. I don't care what her excuse was for why she sounded so awful, if your having problems of any kind, don't sing live. Even after all of that, she still hasn't died and withered and gone away.

It's obvious to me that she's a twenty year old trapped in a sixteen year old's brain. And her goddamn nose is too fucking large for her unusually skinny and boney face!!

The Super Bowl!!

2005-02-08T04:56:00.000-08:00

New England Patriots have won Super Bowl XXXIX. That's 39 for you retards! With a final score of 24-21, the Patriots have in fact established the first dynasty team in the 21st century. This is significant because they are now mentioned with such teams as the 60s' Green Bay Packers, the 70s' Pittsburgh Steelers, the 80s' San Francisco 49ers, and the 90s' Dallas Cowboys.

I'd just like to mention that Tom Brady is the man. For those that don't know, he played for the Michigan Wolverines before advancing to the NFL. He has never lost a post season game ever, that he has started, dating all the way back to all 4 years in the post season in college.

Now, to next season's Super Bowl. Super Bowl 40 or XL for you educated motherfuckers. It's in Detriot in the new Ford Field, you know, the one those horrible Detriot Lions play on. I know this isn't going to happen, but wouldn't it be freakin cool to have the Detriot Lions playing in their own hosted Super Bowl. How could they lose??? That's right, they couldn't.

Here's what I expect from the Lions next year.

That's right! Lions eating and devouring! I'm looking for Joey Harrington to have a break out year just like Drew Brees did this year. If not, I'm going to have to finally throw in the towel for Joey myself. I expect Charlie Rogers to finally play a year in the NFL and not get his damn shoulder hurt again. I expect Roy Williams to be a great possesion reciever and propel the Lions offense to a 10-6 season. Even if they don't manage to make the playoffs I'll be happy if they have an 8-8 record or better.

Kevin Jones will run for around 1,300 yards and will have somewhere in the vacinity of 500 recieving yards. The defense will be bend but don't break. They will certainly give up some points, but I expect they'll use their 10th selection in the draft to pick up someone good defensively. In fact, I'll go on a limb and say they use 5 of their 7 picks on defensive upgrades. Finally their corners will be healthy and we should see some stepping up from their linebacker play.

I will say this though, if their season goes in the crapper again like it did the last two years, I don't think it's the fault of the coaching staff, because they have good guys there. It will be placed squarely on the shoulders of their players. It's time for the Lions' players to step it up a notch and stop being such wussbags. I suggest before they tear apart the coaching staff they should drop the big name players and build a franchise around Charlie Rogers, Kevin Jones and Roy Williams. That would be hard because it's tough to build a dynasty around 2 wide recievers, but I think it can be done.

Ok, enough about the Lions. On to the Super Bowl halftime show. I thought it was the best halftime show in recent memory. Granted Paul McCartney is old and maybe a little out of touch but the songs he performed and the performance itself was amazing. The best part was when Paul was performing "Hey Jude" and they dropped the insturments out and you could hear everyone in the stadium screaming "na na na na na na na, Hey Jude" Way better halftime show then those two dueches JT and JJ with the boob slip or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. And WAY better then the retarded Britney Spears/Aerosmith/Nelly/N'Sync clusterfuck that was two years ago.

Great Super Bowl this year, the game was really good until late in the 4th quarter when the Eagles looked like they had given up. I hope this recent trend of good Super Bowl games continues for a while. Even though every now and again I like to see a good thrashing from teams, I like the good close games. If I wanted to see thrashings every year I'd watch more college football then I do, like say when Michigan plays Saint Augistine's College for the Blind and Deaf.

Finally, Congratulations again to the New England Patriots and in particular, Super Bowl MVP Dieon Branch on tying the NFL record for catches in a Super Bowl. Great season guys, you all made a believer out of me!

Random Rambles

2005-02-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

I know you all already know how lame Super Bowl Pregame shows are so I won't mention them much except to say that this year's is especially stupid and unentertaining.

Do you ever get the feeling someone is watching your car when your not in it? Sometimes I think about my car sitting in the driveway. Currently I'm in my room, so I'm picturing my car out there in the parking area and I'm thinking to myself, what if someone's watching it? Seriously, what's to stop some dude from staring at my car when I'm away from it. Judging the interior, judging the items in it. Taking polaroids of it and posting them up around his dimly lit room.

It's Super Bowl Sunday and I'm not excited. Well, I am, but not like in previous years. It's not because there are two teams that I could care less about playing tonight, because in years past, I've still been pumped as hell about it. I love football. Hell, I subscribed to Sports Illustrated for the football articles. The announcers for the pregame, their hair, it's so straight and it never moves. Damn that Troy Aikman is so good looking, with his well proportioned face and hero-like chin.

Joe Buck though. There's a guy I could do without. I mean just look at this guy a minute. There's something not right about him.

Will Smiff's at the Super Bowl. I thought he was more of a basketball dude. Will Smiff's new movie looks mildly entertaining. He was once quoted on the Stern show as saying that "behind Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt [he was] Hollywood's leading man."
That's kinda funny to me for some reason. Ya, Will, whenever Hollywood needs a white guy for a starring role, your their third pick. Your kinda retarded.

New England Patriots vs. Philedelphia Eagles

I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction for the winning team and score. We'll see how it really turns out later tonight.

New England Patriots... 34
Philedelphia Eagles.... 27

Won't be as close as that score would indicate though. I think New England could jump out to a big lead early, and let Philly back into the game late... say mid fourth quarterish.

Sometimes It Never Rains (part 2)

2005-02-05T23:23:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been thinking of doing some serious writing. You all may remember a previous post of mine entitled Sometimes It Never Rains. It wasn't neccesarily about anything inparticular, just something that I had in my brain and wanted to write down to see how it looked. I enjoyed putting my creativity to print so I have another piece I'm going to put up here. In the future, if I have these posts I'll entitle them Sometimes It Never Rains so if your not a fan of these types of my posts you can skip them over without reading them. Hope you all do enjoy them though.

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"Do you remember what we talked about earlier today?" Jennifer asked, steadily holding the wheel of the forest green Bravada as she drove Chris, her boyfriend, towards the movie theater.

"Yea," Chris replied glancing over to her, her eyes remained locked on the road ahead, even though the light had just turned red. "But I wasn't going to bring it up tonight." Or ever, he thought, not speaking it aloud, even though he really wanted to.

"Well, so have I, and I have something I want to say." She could almost feel the lump in her throat as she spoke, Chris however, looked away, a tinge of regret and anger in his eyes. He had known that this was not what he wanted to happen, he had tried all night long to make it as pleasant as possible for the two of them. He hoped that if the night went well enough she would just forget about their previous conversation, but he knew now that that was impossible.

She continued. "I know you said earlier that you didn't want to throw in the towel Chris, you said it was to early to give up on this, but I'm ready to throw it in." Silence rang out inside the Bravada. For Chris, everything was dark, silent, there was no one else in the world right now except the two of them. There wasn't even a car holding them. They were standing in the middle of the road. The stars were gone. They were replaced by a bright spotlight with no origin, just bright and large enough to encircle the both of them. Jennifer was standing across from him looking back at him for a reaction, but his face was expression-less.

Jenn kept driving. Pulling into the parking lot, she knew she had to break the silence, but it was as if she was fighting herself to do it. Finally, she managed to tear the words from her mouth, "Do you want to still see the movie? or do you want to park and talk for a while?" Chris didn't even look at her, he turned his head towards the opposite window. "You've obviously already made up your mind. I don't want to pay for you for this movie, and there's nothing I can say to change your mind so I don't want to talk to you either, just take me home." He knew that he had said that with anger towards her. At that very second, but only for that second, he hated her with every fiber he had. She was his worst enemy. For that second there was nothing she could say to win his trust or his friendship back. Nothing. But only for that second. He turned back towards her and apologized. He could see in her eyes his comment had hit her like a semi.

She may have known that she deserved that, but it still hurt. She wasn't prepared for it. She recognized his apology as sincere so she didn't say anything back.

"Why? What did I do? What did I say?" Chris asked, again looking away. By this time she had parked and all he could see was the lights of the parking garage. All in a straight line. He wished he could look at something else. He wished he could be somewhere else.

"Nothing, Chris, it's not you, it's me." That's not what Jennifer said, but it might as well have been. She also should have added, "we're better off friends," but she bit her lip before she could finish that cliche. "You didn't do anything wrong, you were perfect. You always said the right thing. You always did the right thing. You were always a gentle...."

"Then what was it?" He cut her off. He had to have an answer. Chris had to know what happened so in the future he could avoid it. Whatever he did, he didn't want to repeat the mistake. Chris had enough trouble finding places to meet girls, and he had finally decided to date someone from work, and was soon to find out why that was not a good idea.

"I don't know. There was just no spark there for me," Jen replied. Chris didn't know what to make of that response at first. They had gone out four times. He thought that if there was no spark, there would have been no second or third date. He thought about it for himself a minute. No spark. What was wrong with him that there could be no spark? He realized later that this comment would be the one that haunted him the most. Not that it was over. Not that he was going to have to see her at work everyday. The thought that she could not find a spark about him that attracted her, even though she said that he did everything perfect, even though he treated her like a gentlemen, made him think that there was something terribly wrong with him.

Silence complimented her response. It seemed that this silence between the two of them was finally welcomed. Chris just looked straight ahead. He couldn't grab a thought from his head, his brain was too jumbled. He could feel Jenn shifting uncomfortably in her chair, he noticed in his periphreals that she was looking at him, but those sidelong glances were not something he was prepared to return.

They sat in that parking garage for a long time. Two hours had passed. Chris realized that there was nothing he could say to change her mind. He just kept thinking about what was wrong with him. In those two hours, Jenn and Chris both experienced several different emotions. Chris could tell a few times that Jenn nearly broke down and cried. He would look over on a few occasions and notice single tear drop lines rolling down her soft face. Sometimes, when there was silence, Chris would reminisce about the times they had together, albeit, there weren't many.

Chris determined that Jenn was probably right. They should end it now before things got too heated for him. Chris had a tendency to go overboard in relationships prior to Jenn. He thought about the times they had talked about serious things. He knew she had a lot of things on her plate. He knew she had a lot of personal issues that she had to work out before she would be able to committ any real part of herself to him. He didn't care though. He had repeatedly told her that he wasn't asking her for a committment.

Jenn finally told him she had nothing more to say and he agreed that he was done talking as well. Jenn started the car and headed for her house, were Chris's car was parked. The ride to her house was silent. Chris was alone with his thoughts though. That haunting thought kept resurfacing in the waters of his head. "What's so wrong with me that even when I do everything perfect, I am not attractive to her?"

When they pulled into her driveway, Jenn turned off the engine and sat there, looking at Chris for some kind of life. Chris took a breath and spoke. "You say you overthink everything? Well, I don't mean to sound mean, but I hope you overthink this. I hope it drives you insane over the next few days and I hope that you go back and forth on this decision. I hope that you change your mind, but I'm not holding out much for that. I hope it bothers you though, so you can understand exactly what I'm feeling right now." Chris breathed a small sigh and continued. "Jenn, even though I don't agree with it I respect you more for calling it off now and not dragging me along. I just want you to know that the last few dates we had were some of the best dates I've ever been on. Your a sweet girl, your funny, your smart, your gorgeous. I'm really going to miss spending time with you."

He had said his peace. He opened the door of the Bravada and got out. Walked slowly to his car and got inside. When he pulled out of her driveway, she was still sitting in her Bravada, he knew his words had struck the exact chord he was hoping they would. He drove away from her driveway and toward his home. He knew that if she really didn't feel anything that this was the right move, but it would take him some time to come to that realization. Time. He had it now. He needed it more then ever, but he felt like it was his kryptonite.

Jennifer sat in the driver seat. Tears ran down her cheeks. His words stuck with her. That's what she liked about him so much, his honesty. He always had told her what he was thinking without holding back. She had just sent away the only guy that was ever like that with her. She wished he hadn't left. She wished he had just stayed in the car with her, just so she would feel some sort of security blanket, but she knew he had to leave. She looked at the clock. Time had passed so quickly. An hour since he had left. Tears stained her cheeks, makeup washed away with it. Time. She needed it so bad, wanted it desperately. She didn't have it though, she didn't have any.

An Explanitory Post

2005-02-05T22:44:00.000-08:00

Lately, my blog hasn't been what I've advertised it to be. Some of you may think that a turn for the worse, some of you may find it a key to knowing the inner Guy. I'm writing to let you all know that this trend will probably continue. Lately, I've been feeling a lot of different things and it has really helped me hash things out in my brain to write about them and it also helps me to talk about them in the future after writing about them. Basically, I don't have an easy time talking about things until I can think them out, consider this my brain on paper.

Now, this does not mean that I'm changing the direction of my blog, there shall still be fun posts in reference to current events, stupid celebrity actions and the like, however, I'm expanding the fountain that is my blog, to the horizens.

I welcome ANY comment, criticisms, opinions and advice that any of you may have, and please don't hesitate to write what you feel, I'm trying hard to be more tolerant of other people and their views. Also, if you don't have a blogger account, don't feel that you can't post. Post anonymously and tell me later that it was you, or don't it doesn't matter.

In conclusion, there will probably be a flurry of content from me in the next couple of weeks as I have a lot in my brain. Thanks to all that read!!

It's Something!

2005-02-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Celibate in the City, when I noticed in her little section about Celibate's Pimps, my blog was referenced with a little (6) next to it.

I can only assume that that number represents the number of times someone has clicked the Celibate link on my blog page and visited that site. Now, lately I have noticed a population on my web site of people that this blog is not neccessarily intended for. Not that I'm not appreciative of new people because I am, just it's something I've noticed. But I had no idea where I was getting these hits from. Now I have discovered where I'm getting these hits from. From CitC blog. Which, by the way, I think is totally fuckin cool.

So, for those of you that are visiting my site from CitC, and maybe for the Celibate herself (I could only be so honored), I have a few things to say. I regard CitC as one of the most well written blogs I've ever read. Mine is not that well rehearsed. I also find CitC blog to be one of the most interesting blogs I've ever read. My blog is only interesting to me and a few of my friends. If you come here and expect to be entertained because you saw my link up on CitC, you MAY BE grossly dissappointed. You might not be though, you might find it funny. That is all.

Re-visited Vibrations.

2005-01-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

I had to go to Walmart today. Dad and I needed milk and I needed cereal for the mornings before work. I gotta have my cereal before I head out the door in the morning. Whenever I go to Walmart, almost out of instinct I go to the electronics department, not because I want to buy something but because I just like to look. It is a very rare occasion in which I purchase something from the electronics department at Walmart. Today's trip was seemingly no different then any other day I went to Walmart. As I turned the corner, crossing the landbridge into the secluded penninsula of the electronics department, I saw two familiar figures. Two brothers of a girl I had previously dated, well, not so much dated as desired to date at one time.

This girl and I had developed somewhat of a relationship, and became good friends, until my advances were met by the stone fortress that was her heart. Not even an army of millions could have penetrated that fortress at the time I attempted. Undaunted as I was though, I attempted, and crumbled before her mighty walls like a pane of glass shatters from a stray golf ball hit by Fred Couples. After a time, we went our separate ways, and I have seen very little of her in about 3-5 years. In fact, the last I talked to her was, geez, 2 or so, maybe even more, years ago on the phone for about 20 minutes.

So anyways, I wouldn't consider our parting of ways a good one, nor a bad one, but there were definitly some resentments harbored. While I was turning the corner to the electronics department, I saw two of her three brothers, one I immediately recognized, one I didn't. At first glance, the latter of the two I thought I recognized as her youngest brother, so playfully, and totally out of my normal strings of character, I slapped him on the back and said hey. When he turned, I realized that a slap on the back was not the appropriate course of action, because the brother I thought it to be was not, in fact, said brother, but was the other of her brother's, the one in which I had a history I didn't really want to remember.

"Hi!" A savagely half-assed attempt at enthusiasm at seeing him was all I could muster, and so the akwardness of the conversation began. After shaking each of their hands, I swear we stood there looking back and forth at each other for the longest 3 seconds I've ever experienced. I always seem to find the awkwardness in any situations somehow, it's weird. "We have a house full of sick people," was the response to my greeting after the handshakes. Great, I remember thinking to myself, something in their response told me that I needed to end this situation soon before it repelled into the dark cave of regret for even approaching them.

Normally, in this type of situation I would have just left them alone and tried every means of avoiding not only eye contact, but physical closeness. Living in Hastings has definitly proved to be difficult for me in the respect that ever since I stopped going to my dad's church I've tried so hard to avoid people that I knew from there like the plague. I don't like answering questions about what I've been doing, I don't like asking the same questions to the people asking me, and in general I just don't like dealing with that stuff. So for me to not duck and cover from these two in Walmart was totally out of character, and I began to wonder if this was an isolated incident or if it was the beginning of a paradigm shift in my persona.

I hope it's not the latter, I hope it's an isolated incident stemmed from my need to show this particular girl that I have done something with myself while she's set idle. I know it's a stretch, but maybe the reason I initiated contact with the two of them was my deep down need to show this girl that I have changed. Not because I want something from her though, because I don't. I would never know what impact this meeting had today upon her, if any. But a piece of me wants there to be one, however minescule it may be. I feel like I put myself out there for her and I got nothing in return. If anything, I think I'd like to think she feels some sort of regret for not at least entertaining the idea of getting to know me more then she did.

Maybe I just can't let go of something stupid. It has been a long time since I had any dealings with this particular girl. Maybe I should just forget about it. The more I think about it, the more I just can't do that. She made me angry, I guess there are still fibers in me that are still angry about it, still small fibers that just can't deal with her stupid decisions. They might be still there, but their slowly detaching their mandibles from my brain, I can feel them leaving. Today I could feel it when I walked away from the conversation with her brothers. As weird and awkward as the conversation might have been I walked away with it with a sense of fulfillment.

Lately, I've felt like I've started to find myself in certain aspects. I think I'm finally turning some sort of corner on the highway of life. (And yes, I'm aware of how horrible that analogy is.) Schooling is starting to finally settle into place, I'm content in my job and my personal life seems to be turning brighter. I was asked on Friday if I thought I'd found myself, discovered myself. After thinking about it a while, I think I'm moving in the right direction. I don't know if anyone can truely really find themselves though. I mean that's really what life is about, learning as much about yourself as you can before you run out of time right?

I guess today was a learning experience regardless of how much I second guess myself for approaching the brothers as I have. Even though I have more questions then when I started off to Walmart today, I feel like at least one of those questions now has an answer. Who'd have thought Walmart would be the center of my little mini-universe today. What with Walmart being the line between heaven and hell.

Sometimes It Never Rains.

2005-01-29T01:44:00.000-08:00

He's stuck. Once again, he'd drawn his sword too early. It's raining outside. It never rains in Maklivelle Forest. A few years ago he never would have ventured into these forests alone, but the allure of the voices had found the key to the door of his curiosity. He'd drawn his sword too early and it had him, it was upon him. He had heard it following him, but wanted to forget that it was there, but now he couldn't ignore it. It was upon him, he took the wrong turn back at the fork and it knew it.

One hour earlier before it was even a forethought, he had come to the fork in the road. It made up some ground when he had waited at the fork and thought about which direction he should take. His hand lay limp upon the hilt of his sword as he glanced at the map and, alternatively, each direction. To the left he saw thorns and thislte branches, hounds of the helm, large rocks, covered boulders and a dark path. To the right, green meadows, sloping valleys, water (which he had on short supply), maybe a hunting ground of some sort. But for whatever reason, he had always chosen the path to the left before, and for some reason, he was drawn to it again. It wasn't shorter, it was by no means faster, but the voices had drawn him there each and every time.

This time was different though, different from all the rest, he knew it was there the whole time, he'd heard it tracking him from a distance. His hand gripped the hilt of his sword tightly, his other hand held his shield. He heard something behind him. Seventy yards behind him he judged. "Fuck," he stammered to himself, he'd not seen it, but he'd known it was there the whole time. Why didn't he take care of it when he'd first heard it. He could have covered his tracks, he could have taken the river to cover his scent. Closer. Brush and tree branches pushed aside as it approached. Out of the corner of his eyes he finally got a glimpse of it. Larger then he anticipated, and faster, it was closing in on him too fast, he couldn't react fast enough. Thirty yards. It was too quick, it had caught him before he turned. One choice left, he had to choose. Right or left, it was so simple, flip a coin, choose the trail out of the forest. He HAD to do it quick. Ten yards. It was upon him, he was losing time. Grasping his sword tightly, wearing the insignia from the hilt of his sword into his palm, sweat poured from his brow. He had one option left. Five yards, he could feel it's breath on his neck.

It had him in it's grasp, he had to choose.

The Fundamental Flaws of The O.C.

2005-01-23T18:56:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not know, I am a huge fan of Fox's hit teen adult drama The O.C. The premise of this show is to display the life and times of teenagers and their families in the rich and fabulous life of high class citizens in Orange County. I just thought of something. There are no African American's anywhere to be found on this show. Hmmm. Well, anyways, I was watching The O.C. this past Thursday and I began to think about some of the plot flaws that the writers seem to think most people who watch The O.C. will just miss. I've decided to point them out for all of you to see. So without further adu, I present, The Fundamental Flaws of The O.C.

1. Reliance upon the viewer forgetting details presented in the first season of The O.C.

Now, the writer's of The O.C. clearly pointed out that the teen characters on The O.C. are still in high school and inbetween the ages of 16-19. This is a huge problem for me. Above all other reasons is that the life experiences of a typical 16-19 year old is not typical of that of a character on The O.C. Now, in the new season of The O.C. there is a new character who has had her age established as 17. Now, in those 17 years of her life she has run away from home 3 times, lost contact with her parents, turned lesbian, then turned straight, then moved to The O.C., owns a bar, and in the next episode, becomes a bisexual.

Ok, I can see most of the stuff happening, but owning a bar doesn't work, because you can't serve liquer at 17 to anyone. And actually, all that life experience before the age of 17 is quite a bit. I mean, she probably didn't even start playing around with her sexuality until she was 14, 13 if she's really a whore.

2. Unlimited amounts of good and timely weather.

Now, I realize that it's Orange County, California, and I realize that you people in Orange County live right on the beach, and I realize that it's a fantastic place to live and all, but you guys don't have perfect and perfectly timed weather all the time. I don't ever, EVER recall and episode of The O.C. in which it was rainy or cloudy or even foggy. All I ever remember is sunny, bright, and emotionally timed weather, and that, my friends, is fucked up.

3. Misha Barton is not as hot as you want her to be O.C. Writers

She's actually uncomfortably skinny and needs to fire her acting coach. Your major 14-18 year old girl fanbase may buy that she's the best thing since sliced bread, but I sure don't. She had a scene in the first episode of the 2nd season in which her mother orders her to tell her what's bothering her and here is a description of the action that follows.

Misha Barton: You wanna know what's bothering me??? /glares at mother

/precedes to wretch the most annoying scream you've ever heard and throws lawn furniture into the pool, then storms off to her room.

It may not sound all the horrible, but after watching it a few times, it is. Believe it. Also, her character is incredibly hateable to me and I'm not sure exactly why. She is relatively whiney on the show, and I think that has a lot to do with it. Also, one thing the writers of The O.C. did really well with Misha, is they wrote her sections of the script precisely to make her the one character on her show that always gets her just desert.

*****

Those are only a few that I can think of. I want to make it clear that this post was not intended to be a rip of The O.C. because I really freakin like that show. I was just having a few passing thoughts throughout the week about last weeks episode and decided that my thoughts on The O.C. would probably be interesting to someone.

-Guy

It's Been Brought to My Attention...

2005-01-19T18:29:00.000-08:00

By my good friend Chuck, over at Blog of the Hurricane, that I am labeled a mysogynist . I would just like to point out that only 5 of my posts have been mysogonistic. Now that's only 45% of the posts that I have made.

I would like to make it clear that I don't think I'm particularly against women as a movement, just more against women as retards. Keep in mind please, that for every women I'm bashing in this blog, there are about 1 or 2 women that aren't nearly as retarded as the woman being mysogonized. I cannot help it, that on a daily basis I am inendated by stupid women. They are all over TV.

You may be asking yourself, so, Guy, is that all you do with yourself all day? Watch TV and bitch about women? You must be a goddamn mysogonist!! My answer to that is, well, no, I'm not really. I'm just a guy that, for the sake of passing time and keeping my sanity until school starts again, sits in front of his TV and his computer typing and gaming, in between the periods that I sleep. Am I lazy? By no means. Am I intelligent? By all means.

I cannot help it that stupid women are at the forefront of idols for young teenage girls, and I cannot help it that my choice for TV channels happens to be MTV, VH1, E!, and Comedy Central. Between these 4 channels alone I am blessed with unending material to right about on this here blog. Does that make me a mysogonist, no.

Look, I know that being a hateful person is part of my charm, I mean, Guy without the hate is no Guy that anyone wants to be around. Why just last week when I recinded my hatred for little kids at a hockey game, I didn't have nearly as much fun as when I re-recinded my hatred for little kids at hockey games. So do I have hate in my heart for retarded women? Yes, yes I do. However, if you'll notice the post Ron Simmons... WHA HAPPEN??? you'll notice that my hate is not limited to women. It's just that stupid women are far more prevolent in today's society then stupid men.

In conclusion, I don't find myself particularly mysogonistic on purpose, it kind of happens by accident. Does this mean I'm going to tone down my posts against women or against stupidity? HELL NO. If anything, this just means I'm going to look for more things to piss you woment lovers off. Because, by God, that's what God put me here to do, hate women that are stupid, and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna follow God's will for my life???

-Guy

Real World Philedelphia Casting Crew... WHA HAPPEN???

2005-01-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

This season's cast on the Real World, has no shortage of stupid girls. Thus, keeping in line with my hatred for stupid women, I have discovered another little tidbit that I thought I would share with you all.

Sara, from the Real World is stupid. She's the girl at the party you attend, that hates girls who throw themselves all over guys because their drunk, then, in the same sentance, she's the girl who goes home with a gay guy to try and turn him straight. She's the girl that doesn't understand people who think she's stupid, but she suffered from both bolehmia and annorexia at some point in her life.

Recently, I forget which episode, but MJ, started calling her sweetheart at a business meeting for their job. She got upset about this and started calling him sexist. How does calling a girl sweetheart translate to a male shovanist? The last time I checked, no matter where you live, sweetheart is a term of indearment. If I call a girl sweetheart and she calls me a sexist in return, rest assured that I will not being talking to that girl ever again. Why? Because that girl is stupid.

Another little retarded thing that Sara likes to spout off about is The Passion of the Christ. MJ, again, brought up how he thought it was a great movie and it really showed what Christ went through for us, and she immediately followed up with the comment, "I couldn't disagree more." When asked why she thought that, she replied with about the biggest cop out of an answer, "because I'm jewish and that movie is anti-sematic." Then when asked if she'd seen the movie she replied, "no."

Then, after that, Shavonda, the stupid bitch that's afraid of autistic children, did a confessional in which she stated, "MJ doesn't know what he's getting into. Sara is a intelligent female, and MJ doesn't know how to deal with that. Sara is very educated on things and MJ isn't." First of all, Sara is hardly educated because she is flat out wrong about her anti-sematic claims. The Passion of the Christ is about as close to what actually happened as could possibly be. Sara is also a whore. She was the one at the beginning of the season that everyone said "OH ALL THE GUYS EVERYWHERE IN TEH USA ARE GOING TO BE HAVING WET DREAMS ABOUT HER!" Um, yea,... no. She's not the least bit attractive thanks. Any decent guy with half a brain would realize that she's far more annoying then she is attractive.

I hate the new season of the Real World. It's not nearly as cool as Real World: San Diego.

If there's One Thing The Russians Got Right...

2005-01-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's there bath-houses. I was listening to NPR this morning on the way to work, and it was their daily coverage brought to you by the BBC. The Russian bathhouse works like this, there's seperate ones for men and women, but men don't go together like the women do.

A bunch of women get together and go to the bathhouse. The first thing they do is get naked. Then they go to the steam room. After steaming down for a good while, they all get birch branches and repeatedly swat each other with them... while their all naked. Then, after they swat each other with the birch branches they proceed the shower room. When they get there they all soak under the hot water. Then they take turns rubbing honey all over each other's bodies.

I know I'm not the only one that recognizes how hot this is. I propose we steal the only good thing about Russia and bring it to America.. who's with me???

Conjunctivitis... WHA HAPPEN???

2005-01-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

Conjunctivitis sucks. It ruins holidays. It renders me useless. It extends 24 hour days to feel like 30 hour days. What's worse? It happens when you are ready to have a really fun long weekend. With the exception of a few bright spots here and there over the weekend, my weekend was horrid.

For those that don't know, conjunctivitis is an eye infection commonly known as pink eye. When you first contract conjunctivitis, it is the most painful and scary thing ever. Why you ask? oh, i'll tell you all why. Because your eye is in pain and you don't know why. Because you don't know if your eye is in so much pain that you might actually lose your sight in your affected eye. The best way I can describe the pain is, a bunch of little men, with little tiny pins, poking the backside of your eyelid and eyeball until you can't even open your eye anymore.

I had to go to the ER because my eye was hurting so bad. The medicine that I was told to take, actually burns your eyes for around 15-20 minutes before it makes it feel better. But it does make it feel tons better.

My eye is all better now, and I go back to work tomorrow.

RIP Reggie White

2004-12-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

GREEN BAY, Wis. - The flags at the north end of Lambeau Field flew at half-staff Sunday morning in honor of a fallen Green Bay Packers hero.

It was a tribute ordered by Packers president Bob Harlan after he learned that Reggie White, one of the most revered players to put on a Packers uniform and a giant figure in the team's return to Super Bowl glory, had died in North Carolina at age 43.

The cause of death was not immediately known, but Keith Johnson, a family pastor, told The Associated Press that White had a respiratory ailment for several years that affected his sleep. An autopsy was planned.

Since his retirement from football after the 2000 season, White had remained close to the Packers' organization and attended several games over the past couple seasons, including the season-opening victory over the Carolina Panthers in Charlotte. On Thursday, coach Mike Sherman had called after watching a television program about sports and spirituality that featured White, an ordained minister who used football to promote his deep belief in Christianity.
"I talked to him about where he was with his life and with his family and football," said Sherman, who had developed a relationship with White as an assistant coach and had him occasionally address the team. "We had a good conversation. We talked about his faith and how he interprets things in relationship to his personal, spiritual relationship with God. In his mind, it's more real now than ever."

On the plane trip back from their division-clinching victory over Minnesota on Friday, Harlan and Sherman had discussed setting up a firm date to retire White's familiar No. 92. Only four players in Packers history have had their numbers retired, and Harlan had informed White last year that he was ready to break a long-standing policy against retiring more numbers.

Neither man thought the next time they would be discussing the 13-time Pro Bowl defensive end would be about his death.

"I'll always look at Reggie as being part of the quartet that turned this football franchise around," Harlan said. "Ron Wolf, Mike Holmgren, Brett Favre and Reggie White brought us to the elite of this league. Reggie was not only a great player but a great recruiter. He sent word out to everybody in the league that we have great tradition and great fans."

News of White's death spread quickly throughout the National Football League, but perhaps nowhere was it felt more than in the league's smallest market. White played 15 years in the NFL, but without question his six seasons in Green Bay, where he won his only Super Bowl, were the highlight of his career.

"I cried for two hours," former Packers strong safety LeRoy Butler said.
Most recently, White had cut back dramatically on the number of speeches and sermons he was giving and had focused on strengthening his knowledge of the Bible. For the past three years, he studied Hebrew so that he could understand the Bible from a more literal sense. He wanted to rely less on other people's interpretations and to deepen his understanding.

"He wanted to find out what he might be missing," said former Packers safety Eugene Robinson, a radio analyst for the Carolina Panthers and a close friend of White's. "That's how Reggie is. It goes right to the heart of who he was. He was always passionate about what he was doing.
"The last conversation we had we were talking about a foundation and raising $4 (million) or $5 million for an after-school program."

The love affair between White and the Packers began almost the moment White stepped off the plane during a free agent visit in early 1993 and continued as he helped the organization regain the glory that had eluded it since Vince Lombardi retired after Super Bowl II.
Within four years of White signing a four-year, $17 million contract - only quarterbacks John Elway and Dan Marino made more at the time he signed the deal - the Packers had won their first Super Bowl in 30 years.
Wolf was the boss, Holmgren was the orchestra leader and Favre ran the show. But it was White who pushed the Packers over the top with his massive impact on defense and in leadership of the team.

"I think Reggie White was one of the top two free agents in the history of the game," Wolf said Sunday evening. "The other was Deion Sanders. One is 1A and the other is 1B. There's no 1 and 2. As far as what he meant for the Green Bay Packers, it was monumental."

When he is up for nomination to the Hall of Fame, arguments will be made that White was the most complete defensive player of all-time. He broke the mold for defensive ends of the 1970s and `80s, players who were either undersized pass rushers or slow-footed run stuffers.

The 6-5, 300-pound White was as big and strong as a nose tackle and as fast as a linebacker when he came out of the University of Tennessee in 1984. After two years playing in the United States Football League, he joined the Philadelphia Eagles and had 2 1/2 sacks in his first NFL game.

The league was barely ready for White, who went on to earn 13 consecutive Pro Bowl selections and twice won defensive player of the year awards (1987 and `98). When he retired for the third and final time after the 2000 season, White was the NFL's all-time leader in sacks with 198, having produced double-digit sacks in 12 of 15 seasons.

The Washington Redskins' Bruce Smith broke the record last year and finished with 200 before retiring, but it took him 19 seasons to do it. White played 15 seasons in the NFL - he missed only one non-strike-related game - and never got to count the 23 1/2 sacks he registered in two years in the USFL in his all-time total.

"I had the utmost respect for Reggie White as a player," quarterback Brett Favre said in a statement released by the team. "He may have been the best player I've ever seen and certainly was the best I've ever played with or against.

"He made the defense what it was during our run . . . the best in the league. He could turn the course of the game in a single play . . . and did it many times for us. It was fun to watch him play."

As great as his impact on the NFL was, it was equally as great on the Packers. When Wolf made the decision to pursue White, his only objective was to show him that the Packers meant business. With a fat check in hand and his word that the Packers would do everything they could to get White the Super Bowl ring he coveted so much, Wolf used a pragmatic approach toward recruitment.

The Washington Redskins, San Francisco 49ers and Cleveland Browns were also after White, and the Browns had lavished him in limousine rides and fancy hotel stays. They bought White's wife, Sara, dozens of flowers and got the mayor to urge him to sign with them.
The Packers picked White up at the airport in a 4x4 Jeep Wrangler and interviewed him in a tiny windowless office in their modest facility.

"There were no limousines," Wolf said. "We took him over to the Red Lobster for a meal. He was shown Green Bay as Green Bay was. He appreciated that. He saw that he was dealing with genuine people. Everything about Green Bay was genuine."

It took White time to make a decision, but when he did, he said that God had told him Green Bay was the place he should go. Over time, the Packers learned more of White's devotion to preaching the Gospel and came to accept that he was as opinionated off the field as he was strong-willed on it.

An ordained minister from the time he was 17, White spoke often of his devotion to Christianity. But around his teammates he preached teamwork and dedication as much as devotion to God and the players quickly learned that his sense of humor prevailed over all other things.
Fans appreciated his devotion to the team and to them and when his church in Knoxville, Tenn., burned to the ground in 1995, they collectively raised $250,000 to help rebuild. It was a heartfelt gesture that White talked about often, but it turned into controversy when the church was never rebuilt and the money never recovered.

White also shocked many people with a notorious speech before the Wisconsin Legislature in which he used stereotypes and an anti-homosexual theme to get his point across. It was an embarrassing moment for the Packers and those who had supported White over the years, and it cost him a post-career television analyst job.

On the field, the Packers found out how much White would mean to them in the coming years when in the fifth game of his Packers career, with the team off to a 1-3 start, he sacked Elway on consecutive plays to wipe out a last-minute drive that threatened the Packers' three-point lead.
It was the kind of domination that White, who was 31 at the time, would display through his years in Green Bay, when he set the franchise record with 68 1/2 sacks. It was a defining moment in the resurrection of the Packers franchise.

"Those two plays were as big a plays at that time in the development of our football team as any we've been around," former defensive coordinator Ray Rhodes recalled in 1999.

The Packers went from 23rd in the NFL to second in defense in White's first season, and they ranked in the top eight in all but one of his seasons. There were many more highlights during his Packers tenure, and none was more satisfying than his Super Bowl-record three sacks against the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXI.

The Super Bowl ring he won was the reason White came to Green Bay, and it pleased him to no end. But he wanted more than anything to share it with the fans who had developed a bond with him.

"I just thank God for the opportunity to have played in front of these people for six years and to have been a part in bringing them a championship," White said upon his retirement from the Packers after the 1998 season. "It's an extreme honor to have played for the Green Bay Packers and to have played in front of the Green Bay Packers fans."

White retired twice from the Packers, once after the `97 season - he changed his mind after two days - and again after the `98 season, when he had 16 sacks and earned his last defensive player of the year honor. He returned to play with the Panthers in 2000 and then retired for good.

He is survived by wife, Sara; son Jeremy, 18; and daughter Jecolia, 16.

******************

As I've watched the highlight reels and heard about his life today on TV, my heart has repeatedly dropped from its normal resting place to well betwixt my stomach. For whatever reason, I feel a deep emotional attachment to this guy. Maybe because our religions are similar and he was a pillar in the Christian sports community, or maybe it was because of the kind of example this guy was on and off the field. Whatever it is, Reggie White, I know your in a better place now. I look forward to meeting you big fella.

Rest In Peace Reggie.

-Guy

Christmas... WHA HAPPEN?

2004-12-24T21:24:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in my computer chair reflecting on the events upcoming and past, I've begun to think about what Christmas means to me. In general, the Christmas season, at least over the last few years, has been relatively depressing in most respects. I find myself thinking about how life has treated me at and around Christmas times. Honestly, I can't think of a year since my parents were divorced in which my Christmas season hasn't included some sort of major dissappointment, monumental catastrophe, or horrible turn of events. From the debacle of that was the first Christmas after my parents were divorced, to Christmas time in '01 when I went to see my mom in Tennessee, only to turn around and drive back 1 day later because my mother and I got into a huge fight.

This season in particular, hasn't been any one of the above things thus far, however it has been one of quiet depression. As I sit here, I think of the things my dad has had to go through over the last two weeks. Car sales are horrible, having to tell his parents and his sister that he can't afford to travel to Ohio to spend Christmas with the family, having to live with the thought that he really can't afford to buy Christmas presents for anyone, I just can't even imagine. Yet, even faced with that, he moves on, baking his ass off, going out of his way to make what will be one hell of a Christmas meal, to give himself and me one day this year that we won't forget. A day in which the two of us, sit around the living room, eat our lasagna, watch our football, and move on past a holiday that besides the religious conotations, we would like to all but forget.

Knowing all these things are things my dad has had to deal with over the last few weeks, I've gone out of my way to make things special for him too. I've tried to spend as much time with him as I can, went to his Christmas thingy at FBC (which was no easy task, as every time I attend their service I'm reminded of how much I loathe most of the people that attend that church), I even went to the Christmas Eve service tonight with him. I know he'll never say anything about it, but I can tell by the surprise in his voice when I told him I was going that he was really happy about that. Sometimes I think he thinks that I'm straying from the church, but really I'm not. Even though I sometimes, (well ok, more often then not, but I am getting better) skip church, I still study the bible and I still set my heart with God.

While I sit here in my chair, vocalizing the thoughts passing through my head through this blog, I wonder what my dad is thinking. He's sitting in the living room, with all the lights (besides the Christmas decorations) off, watching TV. I wonder if he's just not sleepy, or he can't sleep because of the things on his mind. I wanted to get my dad a big screen TV for Christmas, but my financial aid hasn't come through yet for Davenport. I was waiting on that to finalize before I went and took on another bill. I have one picked out. It's a widescreen, hd tv built in, 30". That may not seem very big, but I think it's big enough to do the trick. Oh, it's also flatscreen.. or at least flatter then my monitor is. For as long as I can remember, my dad's always wanted a nice TV, but for whatever reason, we always end up with these crappy, 6 months away from breaking down TVs. So, I'd like to be able to do that for him.

I watched Jingle All The Way with my dad tonight. Yknow, that one movie with Sinbad and Arnold Swhartzenegar, the one where they fight over getting that toy. I remember dad and I going to the theatre to see that movie when it first came out. It was good times. I guess Christmas isn't really all that depressing this year, if you look at it in the way that dad and I are kickin it old school. Two bachelors chillin like a villian, eatin food, watchin stupid tv and football.

I know why dad stayed up so late now. I can begin to smell the warm, cheesy, gooey smell of baking lasagna entering my room.

Merry Christmas Everybody.

-Guy

The Saga Continues

2004-12-21T14:54:00.000-08:00

So, today at work I made my triumphant return to the air trailer. Now, there were roughly eight people in the air trailer including myself and Amy Niemchek (or however the fuck she spells her last name). Amy and I happened to be the only two that were by ourselves in seperate air cans. Now, I was determined to make a huge impact on today's air trailer, by completely owning every other person that was doubled up in an air can. So I started my quest and set my mind to unloading the air can I was in by myself.

As I was nearing the halfway point, Amy came over and politely asked if I would consider helping her unload her can. Now, before I go on, I must explain to you what kind of mood I get in whenever I see her. On a normal day, I could see myself getting along with Amy, to the point that we could even talk about things that have pertenance to everyday life. However, ever since the arguement we got into, I have looked at her with red target circles in my eyes, not because I'm still insulted by what she says, but because of the way she is treated by every supervisor that comes in contact with her.

Ever since our fight, I have been the go to guy so to speak for complaints from everyone about the way she is treated. Now, you'd think taht the supervisors would be more interested in the guys, that day in and day out, put money on their tables by unloading trailers as fast as they can. It's fuckin cold in those trailers, and I mean cold. You may be protected by the wind, but those trailers are generally made of a thin insulated aluminum sheeting, that, when it's cold its freezing, not right away, but it lingers, it burns inside you until, you don't realize that your cold until your body is freezing, toes, fingers, neck, what have you. Bottom line, it's really cold. When it's hot, it's sweltering in there as well. All that to say, unloading is a tough job, and it doesn't get any easier when it's cold. So you'd think that the supervisors would rather treat the unloaders with their due respect then give a girl, all kinds of power, who besides the air trailer, which is way easier then a regular trailer, who hasn't unloaded a full trailer in over 3 months.

But sadly, that's not the case. So my anger with her is fueled no longer by what she did to me, but what she does to the rest of the guys that bust their ass for their pay check. So, calmly, but with a fierce, unmistakeable tinge in my voice, I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "Sorry Amy, I don't unload with bitches anymore."

I finally said what I had been thinking. And looking back in her eyes, I saw the anger that I have seen through my own eyes, boiling from hers, and honestly, inside, somewhere deep inside, I was happy. Happy that I made her upset, happy that I ruined the rest of her day at work, and whatever happens tomorrow, I'll take it happy.

I'm aware there will be potentially severe ramifications to come for me for saying what I said, but sometimes, it's a neccessary evil. Amy needs to be told she's a bitch, because she is.

It should be known though, that I don't place all the blame for Amy's ego squarely on her shoulders, I place a hefty amount on Lou's (my supervisors) shoulders. Amy wants to be a supervisor, and she's already being set up for incredible failure, because she's still union and already no one likes her or appreciates the way she does things. People won't forget about the way she's treated them, ever, and once she becomes supervisor, she will be ridden harder then any other supervisor around, not just by me, but by everyone that she's upset. You may find that unfair, but that's just the way it is inside the walls of a union shop.

Anyways, I know this won't be the last of this story, but it certainly may turn out to be the most noteworthy of chapters.

-Guy

Chuck... WHA HAPPEN???

2004-12-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I had the unabashed opportunity to interview one of the great writers of our time. Some of you may know him as Ron, the author of the most highly noted blog about the Hurricane, but I know him as more then a man, more then a myth, more then a writer, I know him as Chuck. The man, The Myth, The Writer. So.

Now, I've always prided myself on being one to never hold back, and always ask the hardhitting questions, so without further adu, I bring you the following: an uncut (well, except where I deleted my real name and inserted my fake name), an uncensored, a no holds barred, steel cage of an interview:

Guy: Chuck, thanks for sitting down with me for this monumental interview of galatic proportions.

Chuck: It's no problem duder. But between studying hard for my finals and flirting with every Asian girl on campus I don't have a lot of time, so please, lets get this show on the road.

Guy: Of course, of course.. now Chuck, When did you realize your undying love for kitties?

Chuck: I just don't see what the big deal is with dogs. You have to put dogs out, you have to train dogs. That sucks. Plus I do genuinely believe that cats are smarter. People always say; "Yeah, but cats never come when you call them." Yeah, because they don't want to. But, my cats are right under my feet as soon as they hear the sound of a can of tuna being opened. Plus, I think Persian cats are the perfect example of man's God given dominance over nature, with their flat faces and impractically long hair. God didn't create Persian kitties, he created the feline species and we made it better. That's what mankind is supposed to be doing. Taking God's creatures and selectively breeding them to make them cuter.

Guy: Chuck, you fashion yourself as somewhat of a journalist. What was your favorite piece, duo written in 7th grade about forced fashion? And Why?

Chuck: I was just writing a piece on my blog about that particular article, Guy. Although, I think my favorite piece I've ever written was the one on the social impact Ted Nugent has had on his hometown of Jackson, MI. Which is another piece that you were involved with. I like that, because to this day, I have yet to come up with a more ridiculous premise for an article.

Guy: Do you consider yourself more of a fatalist or a revolutionist?

Chuck: Fatalist. Without a doubt. I'm a total fatalist.

Guy: What really makes you giggle like a schoolgirl? And Why?

Chuck: You know that one, Guy. Pictures of kitties doing silly things.

Guy: Who do you find more attractive? Tom Arnold or Judiasm? And Why?

Chuck: If memory serves me right, Tom Arnold actually converted to Judaism. Tom Arnold really dissapointed me with his attempt at commentating a really sweet Ultimate X match betwixt Prime Time, Chris Sabin, and Sonjay Dutt. So for that reason, and that reason alone, I'm going to go with Judaism.

Guy: Chuck, your a devote Catholic, when did you realize your attraction to Asian women?

Chuck: I actually have an anthropological answer for that question. The male human considers light colored hair as a positive trait, therefore blond ugly girls have a better chance at producing offspring than dark haired ugly girls. Therefore, as a community, dark haired women tend to pass on more desirable facial features to the next generation. Making Asian girls quantitatively more attractive than white girls. I live in a dorm in which over half the people are Asian. And I will state as a rule that Asian girls are generally more attractive than white girls.

Guy: Catholism? more like romanticism, am I rite? Why or why not?

Chuck: Catholicism, romantic? Yeah right! You know what Catholicism got me for our one year anniversary? NOTHING!! And when I tried to talk to Catholicism about it, Catholicism just huffed and told me I was starting to sound like my mother. Imagine the nerve! If you want romance, I suggest you watch 50 First Dates. I'll be damned if that isn't the cutest little romantic comedy I ever done seen.

Guy: What do you have against meat? Do you find yourself less hungry for meat after a small tragedy, or more? And why?

Chuck: We've already gone over this, Guy! I'm not going through this again. GAH!!

Guy: Finally, where do you see yourself ten years ago? How do you feel this corolates with your persona in the future? And do you feel the decisions you made 10 years from now effect you in a positive or negative light today? And Why?

Chuck: You know, nastalgia is a fucked up thing. Sometimes people will say to me; "Hey, remember how we used to always do this or that?". And I'll think to myself; "We only did that twice". But, then out loud I'll say; "Fuck yeah, back in high school we were the shit!!".

I remember this one conversation I had with this old dude, I was making some remarks about the negative effects of rock and roll and the sexual revolution, to which he replied; "What are you talking about? We were screwing around before rock and roll came along". I've only had that conversation once, but ten years from now I'm going to tell people about all the different old people who have told me that they were screwing around before rock and roll came along, attempting to make some sort of point. Peole will listen to what I'm saying with attentiveness and respect, because ten years from now I will be getting paid to spout off a bunch of bullshit. I think that casts a positive light on me.

###############

There you have it folks. All the answers to all the questions you ever wanted to ask Chuck. Big props to Chuck for finding time to do this interview with meh!!

-Guy

Ron Simmons... WHA HAPPEN???

2004-12-14T14:18:00.000-08:00

Ron Simmons, former WWE star who teamed with JBL before he became JBL, earlier this week revealed that, in fact, wrestling is fake.

http://www.wrestlingexposed.com/headlines/5939.shtml

There are some funny things in this story that I thought I would hi-light quickly for you.

First off, the obvious...

Sixth-grader Dewayne Dudley, a fan, said, "It looked like it was real."

Poor Dewayne Dudley. This kid had his mind blown, hardcore.

Simmons then went on to say that kids need to stay in school and study hard, otherwise they might lose their teeth from recieving a clothesline

"I have to read what I'm going to do," said Simmons, who has often wrestled under the name Faarooq. "If I'm supposed to duck (and haven't read the plan beforehand), I lose some teeth."

Which was news that came WAY too late for this kid:

Thanks!!

2004-12-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

For all your feedback. It's appreciated and noted. Results one what I will do have yet to be determined, as since that day, I have yet to work with her.

I believe that she did in fact tell her supervisors about the issue and they are in fact, preventing my from unloading in the air trailer with her. Because the supervisors know that I am the only one that will give her shit to her face when she decides to have one of her power trips.

Amy Niemchek (or however the fuck you spell your last name).... WHA HAPPEN???

2004-12-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is gonna be a long one, but I think all of my loyal viewers will enjoy it.

For those of you that don't know, I, Guythatnooneknows, am a diehard Teamster member. I work for UPS. I am a proud and card carrying member, or, will be as soon as I apply for one of those nifty teamster Mastercards that my bud Big Rand has. Anyways, I dygress. From time to time when reading my blog, you may come across a rant about particular happenings at work and about my union. This, my friends and compatriots, is one of those times.

At UPS, my main job is unloading trailers. I don't have enough seniority to either go full-time or become a driver, so I chose, in my opinion, the next best thing. I work with approximately 20 people on a daily basis, upon which I am expected to interact and work hard to get a job done in 4 hours. There are two supervisors in my work area at all times. I don't think that I need to go into the love/hate relationship between supervisors and union personnel, but I would gather from the preceding statement that you can tell, it's not the most fruitful of relationships in my life. Anyways, I dygress, again.

There is a girl, 20 years of age named Amy Neimchek (or however the fuck you spell her last name). She's blonde, decent figure, kind of attractive, except for this thing she has where her gut hangs out past her disproportionately small breasts. The only reason I mention this is because I have had previous conversations about this with a few of my friends and I bring it up only to denounce Amy on a physical level as well as an emotional level, later on. You see, Amy thinks she's the fuckin cat's meow, the fuckin whole nine yards, the fuckin hot shit, but she's not. In fact, she's nearly the opposite.

For the last few months, Amy has been pursueing a job as supervisor, which, until about 2 months ago, I could have given a shit less about. Go ahead bitch, ruin your job security, lose your stellar benefits, come in earlier to work, take shit from union guys, despite the warnings I have given you. Anyways, I dygress.

At around 6:45 every morning at UPS an trailer filled with Next Day Air packages arrives at UPS docks, then around 7:15 every morning a second trailer filled with Next Day Air packages arrives. Generally the unload crew in these trailers is made up of myself and Amy and a few randomly generated masses of goo from the rest of the West Wall Unload Crew. As of late, Amy has developed a sort of, how should I put this, demeanor, that lets say, isn't cool. You see, Amy likes to pretend to be the boss of the Air Trailers. Why? you may find yourself asking, well, because she thinks that the "higher ups" at UPS give a shit about her. Which, honestly, isn't the case. So, about two weeks ago, Amy and I had a rather heated exchange in which things were said very pointedly towards the other. I shall present this exchange to you, uncut and unsensored now:

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Guy walks into the air trailer and doubles up with Girl #1 to unload 2 cans of the 5 in Air Trailer Number 1.

Guy and Girl #1 move to Air Trailer Number 2 and unload the first completely full can in Air Trailer Number 2

Guy and Girl #1 finish first completely full Air can.

Guy goes and helps Cool Ass Black Dude That Got Shot 4 Months Ago in an alternate Air can, while Girl #1 exits the air trailer unload dock.

Cool Ass Black Dude That Got Shot 4 Months Ago leaves air trailer unload dock, Amy Niemchek (or however the fuck she spells her last name) teams up with Guy to finish the can that Cool Ass Black Dude That Got Shot 4 Months Ago had to leave.

Amy says, "Geez Guy, that Air can you unloaded with Girl #1 took you guys a long time."

Guy replies, "Ya, it was completely full so it took us a little longer then normal."

Amy retorts, "Ya, thats why when there is a completely full can of Air, we only do it with 1 person until it is about half full."

Guy scoffs.

Guy gafaws.

Guy's fists want to beat the shit out of Amy, however, Guy is way smarter then to act on those agressions.

Guy, after a moment of thought, calmly answers, "Well, that's all fine and good, but do you get paid by the speed at which you unload Amy? Because I know that I don't in fact get paid to be speedy, I get paid by the hour."

Amy quickly spouts, "No, but that's not a very good attitude to have."

Guy frowning, eyebrows beginning to twitch, "Listen Amy, if there were insentives for me to unload faster, such as, increase in pay or maybe a breakfast after work here and there, then I would go faster, however, there isn't. So I see no such need for any over the top mentality to unloading."

Guy, happy with his response, continues unloading, thinking that that is the end of that.

Amy, however, like the bitch that she is, always has something to say. "How do you live with yourself with that kind of attitude, don't you want to be the best you can be at work? Don't you want to set an example for people that haven't been here that long?

Guy, shocked at such a ludacris statement retorts, "How do I live with myself? I live about 20 bucks richer with myself at the end of the week, thats how!"

... and, adding an un-needed aside...

"By the way Amy, I hear you get paid to kiss supervisors' asses now, how much money does that make you at the end of the week."

(Now, this one takes some explaining. You see Amy is known for staying after work, ON THE CLOCK I might add, to hang around with all the supervisors at the end of the day in their office. This is a LARGE no-no for any union member.)

Amy stops catching my packages, "What the hell is that supposed to mean, I was just giving you some advice on how to unload more efficiently!"

Guy surmizes, "You know what? I have been unloading this here Air trailer since you were a freshmen in high school, so don't tell me how to "improve" my unloading efficiency."

...pausing for a moment and making sure what I'm about to do is good...

"And, if you like to unload 1 person per can so bad, why don't you go ahead and finish this one up yourself!"

Guy drops the 50lbs package in his hands and walks out of the Air trailer, leaving Amy to finish by herself.

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There you have it folks. Now over the last few weeks I've been trying to decide how to deal with this situation and I've come up with two options.

Option Number 1

Be a total and complete dick to her from now until forever. Those of you that know me, know that if I'm even mildly irritated by someone, know that I will generally shutdown on them being any type of friend with me. Believe it or not however, this is generally not something I come to lightly, even after I have decided that your not going to be my friend anymore, I am constantly second guessing myself, but I ussually am sticking to my first instinct of unrequinted dislike.

Option Number 2

Give her one more chance to treat me with respect and if she blows this chance, become a total dick to her. I'm leaning towards this option currently, but it's hard for me to decide if I've already given her enough chances. See, this is just the boiling point in a long line of little comments she likes to make in the Air trailer. Also, I'm not alone in disliking the things she has to say, I'm just more vocal then anyone else about it. At least 3 other people have mentioned to me their dislike for Amy and one of those three Amy probably considers to be a really close friend of hers at work (hahaha).

So, I need your input faithful viewers. I implore you to use those little comment pencils at the bottom of this post and let me know what you think I should do with this situation. Please, don't be shy, I encourage as much audience participation as possible!!

Thanks in advance for your valued opinions...

-Guy

Shavonda... WHA HAPPEN???

2004-12-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

For those of you that aren't familiar with MTV's most popular reality tv show, Shavonda is a character on this season's The Real World Philedelphia.

Now, every season of the Real World, the seven strangers are not only picked to live in a house, but also picked to work in only about the most kick ass job seven of the most retarded people in the universe could ever land. This job happens to be working with the Philedelphia Soul, Philedelphia's local arena football team. These seven strangers are more of a PR personnel group for the Soul to relate with the public, and, more specifically, youth in the community.

Now, back to Shavonda. During one of the latest episodes of the Real World, these seven strangers are assisting a youth walk to raise funds for mentally retarded children of the ages 6-12 years. As fate would have it, there happens to be drama surrounding Shavonda and these handicapped children. As it turns out, Shavonda is afraid of retarded children.

Let me repeat that, Shavonda, a 21 year old African American, is afraid, of mentally retarded children from the ages of 6-12. Afraid of retarded children.. afraid of retarded children.. afraid.. of.. retards. Does anyone else not find this completely retarded? I was completely dumbfounded watching this show and hearing this incredulous revelation.

Shavonda, you are singly, the lamest person ever. You have no backbone or spine, and, for being afraid of retarded children, you deserve a "pie in the sky" executed by the largest woman in the world, Raven Symone.

I believe this story calls for a hella large .... DERP!!!

Julia Roberts... WHA HAPPEN???

2004-11-30T15:49:00.001-08:00

You were pregnant for eight months Julia Roberts. In those eight months you and your husband, (that by the way, you stole from another marraige) thought of, what has got to be up there with a few of the stupidest names of heard this year. In a year including, names such as Airplane Pilot and Apple, coming from stars that young kids idolize no less, you two short bus graduates named your twins...

(pause for dramatic effect)

Hazel Patricia and Phinnaeus Walter Moder. When reached for comment before she went into labor, Julia Roberts commented, ''My babies weigh six pounds each. That's 12 pounds of just baby in me right now.''

To recall a few other gems from this years' round of baby names.. Apple Martin ( Gweynth Paltrow and Chris Martin's love child), two Prince Micheal Jacksons (the second Prince Micheal's nickname is Blanket) and finally their cousin Jermajesty (son of Jermaine Jackson).

All these names only make me want to punt these babies into the 15th row of a WWE wrestling show, ala Gene Snitsky.

-Guy

Welcome!

2004-11-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome, one and all, to my blog.

I have done it this time. I've unleashed upon the world the true and complete knowledge of myself, Guythatnooneknows. To whatever readers I manage to gather, I will destroy you with factoids and figures of things that previous to this posting you thought, in your heart of hearts, to never exist and never composed.

My opinions shall be brought to you in a fashion that will truely bring you to your knees. Hardcore! Nothing will be withheld, should I find something interesting, my loyal readers, you shall be the first to know.

So, let it begin, from now until forever, welcome to Guythatnooneknows Has Opinions!